Neelix: There's an old Talaxian expression: "When the road before you splits in two, take the third path."
Tom Paris: [voice] Chapter One: It's The Doctor's World. You're Just Living In It.
[from Paris's holo-story]
EMH Mark I: [with mock sympathy] Awww! What seems to be the trouble, One of Three?
Two of Three: I'm Two of Three.
EMH Mark I: Sorry.
EMH Mark I: [to the Doctor] They're triplets - you know?
Tom Paris: Your program's about as subtle as a... Ferengi mating dance.
The Doctor: My program is a serious attempt at social commentary. Yours is an insulting farce! You...
[he looks around and continues with lower voice]
The Doctor: ...had me drugging a patient, and taking advantage of her!
Tom Paris: Don't be ridiculous, that character is not you! For one thing, he has much more hair.
Tom Paris: Listen, I don't care if the whole Alpha Quadrant mistakes me for Lieutenant Marseilles. What bothers me is that you think that's what I'm like.
The Doctor: Obviously, you're nothing like Marseilles. He's self-indulgent, immature.
Tom Paris: And how would you describe me?
The Doctor: Well, you're a married man, with a child on the way. A lot of responsibilities.
Tom Paris: I'm surprised you noticed. You know, I thought I'd begun to earn your respect. Maybe I was wrong.
Seven of Nine: [to the Doctor] I believe your ego has received enough stroking for one day.
The Doctor: In the beginning, there is darkness, the emptiness of a matrix waiting for the light. Then, a single photon flares into existence, then another. Soon, thousands more. Optronic pathways connect, subroutines emerge from the chaos, and a holographic consciousness is born. I awaken into this world fully programed, yet completely innocent, unaware of the hardships I'll endure, or the great potential I will one day fulfill. - Computer, save revisions and open Chapter One.
Tom Paris: [about the Doctor's holo-program] What's it called?
The Doctor: "Photons Be Free".
Tom Paris: Catchy.
The Doctor: My publisher assures me he won't distribute the program until he receives the revised version.
B'Elanna Torres: That must be the one where we assimilate the Borg and take over the quadrant.
The Doctor: I could use your help with the rewrites.
Tom Paris: Really? You realize, as a writer, I'm a little unsophisticated.
The Doctor: No; I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'lowbrow'.
The Doctor: [from his introduction] You're about to take part in a thrilling first-person narrative. You will take on the role of an Emergency Medical Hologram, the Chief Medical Officer aboard the Starship Vortex.
Tom Paris: "Vortex"?
The Doctor: As our story begins, an anomaly has hurled your ship thousands of light years across the galaxy. Your mission: to uphold your medical and ethical standards, as you struggle against the crew's bigotry and intolerance. Persons with vascular disorders should consult a physician before running this program.
Tom Paris: You set your story on a starship lost in the Delta Quadrant!
The Doctor: What would you have me write about? Palace Intrigue on the Klingon Homeworld?
[from the Doctor's holo-story]
Lt. Torrey: I'm impressed.
Male N.D.: Really?
Lt. Torrey: Absolutely. I haven't seen a dilithium matrix this far out of alignment since I served aboard a Ferengi garbage scow.
[from the Doctor's holo-story]
[Torres, in the role of the holo-Doc, surprises Marseilles in sickbay with a woman]
B'Elanna Torres: [to Marseilles] Oh, I get it. Interesting plot twist. You get me out of sickbay so you're free to give my patient a tonsillectomy.
Tom Paris: [of his counterpart Marseilles] Nice mustache.
[from the Doctor's holo-story]
Ensign Kymble: There must be millions of viruses in this quadrant that no one's ever encountered before. With my luck, I'll probably end up catching half of them!
Harry Kim: Great! My character's a hypochondriac.
Holographic Tom Paris: [from Paris's introduction] You are about to embark on a remarkable journey. You will take on the role of a medical assistant aboard the Starship Voyeur.
The Doctor: "Voyeur"?
Holographic Tom Paris: Your job will be to assist the Chief Medical Officer and learn to tolerate his overbearing behavior and obnoxious bedside manner. Remember: patience is a virtue.
The Doctor: This is outrageous!
EMH Mark I: [lifting a golf iron] What's outrageous is that I'm going to miss my tee time!
The Doctor: I'm sorry my work offends you. But if the price of expressing myself is having to suffer the scorn of a few colleagues, so be it.
Seven of Nine: [to Kim] When you sing 'Happy Birthday' to your mother, try to stay in tune.
[Kim has lost his com-link with his parents]
Harry Kim: Argh, I don't believe this! I had a minute and a half left!
Seven of Nine: You'll have another opportunity to speak with them in approximately two months.
Harry Kim: You just don't get it, do you?
Seven of Nine: No.
Harry Kim: Maybe if you had family you were close to, you'd feel a little differently.
[Publisher Broht has refused to recall the copies of the Doctor's holo-program, which he has distributed prematurely]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I don't see that you have a choice, Mr. Broht. Authors have rights.
Arden Broht: Not in this case.
The Doctor: What do you mean?
Arden Broht: The Doctor is a hologram.
The Doctor: So?
Arden Broht: According to Federation law, holograms *have* no rights.
The Doctor: It's just frustrating to be told I have no more legal standing than a replicator.
The Doctor: It's the crew's reputations that are at risk.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I'm not so sure. I think it's your reputation that's on the line here. You have the same rights as every other member of this crew. And I'm not going to let this publisher say otherwise.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Centuries ago, in most places on Earth, only landowners of a particular gender and race had any rights at all. Over time, those rights were extended to all Humans, and later, as we explored the galaxy, to thousands of other sentient species. Our definition of what constitutes a person has continued to evolve. Now we're asking that you expand that definition once more - to include our Doctor. When I met him seven years ago, I would never have believed that an EMH could become a valued member of my crew - and my friend. The Doctor is a person, as real as any flesh and blood I have ever known. If you believe the testimony you've heard here, it's only fair to conclude that he has the same rights as any of us.
The Doctor: Do you think I'll be able to find another publisher?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: If there's one thing I've learned about you, Doctor, it's that you can do just about anything you set your mind to.
First EMH Mark I: Time for your diagnostic. Report to the holo-lab.
Second EMH Mark I: I know the routine.
First EMH Mark I: And... while you're there, do yourself a favor. Ask the operator to run program 47 beta.
Second EMH Mark I: Why? What is it?
First EMH Mark I: It's called "Photons Be Free". It's quite provocative.
The Doctor: What you've experienced, dear protagonist, is a work of fiction. But like all fiction, it has elements of truth. I hope you now have a better understanding of the struggles holograms must endure, in a world controlled... by organics.
Voyager Computer: End of program.