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"Star Trek: The Next Generation" Relics (TV Episode 1992) Poster

Quotes

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[Scotty walks up to the holodeck and activates it]

Computer Voice: Please enter program.

Scotty: The android at the bar said you could show me my old ship. Let me see it.

Computer Voice: Insufficient data. Please specify parameters.

Scotty: [frustrated] The Enterprise. Show me the bridge of the Enterprise, you chatterin' piece of...

Computer Voice: There have been five Federation ships with that name. Please specify by registry number.

Scotty: N-C-C-1-7-0-1. No bloody A - B - C - or D!

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[Data has taken a bottle of green-colored spirit from Guinan's stock]

Scotty: What is it?

Lt. Commander Data: It is...

[he looks and sniffs at it]

Lt. Commander Data: It is...

[he looks at it again, obviously not any wiser]

Lt. Commander Data: It is green.

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Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Look, Mr. Scott, I'd love to explain everything to you, but the Captain wants this spectrographic analysis done by 1300 hours.

[La Forge goes back to work; Scotty follows slowly]

Scotty: Do you mind a little advice? Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah, well, I told the Captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour.

Scotty: How long will it really take?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: An hour!

Scotty: Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would *really* take, did ya?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, of course I did.

Scotty: Oh, laddie. You've got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker.

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Scotty: Never get drunk unless you're willing to pay for it - the next day.

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[on the holographic bridge of Scotty's Enterprise, Scotty and Picard are exchanging memories of former starships they've served on]

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The first vessel that I served on as captain was called Stargazer. It was an overworked, underpowered vessel, always on the verge of flying apart at the seams. In every measurable sense, my Enterprise is far superior. But there are times when I would give almost anything... to command the Stargazer again.

Scotty: Ah, it's like the first time you fall in love. You don't ever love a woman quite like that again. Well, to the Enterprise, and the Stargazer - old girlfriends we'll never meet again.

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Scotty: Take the bridge, Commander.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Oh, no. You're the senior officer here.

Scotty: Oh, I may be captain by rank; but I never wanted to be anything else but an engineer.

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[La Forge and Scotty are trying to get the Jenolan up and running]

Scotty: [muttering] Bunch of old, useless garbage!

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Huh?

Scotty: I say it's old, Mr. La Forge. It can't handle the interface of your power converter. This equipment was designed for a different era. Now it's just a piece of junk.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, I don't know, it seems like some of it's held together pretty well.

Scotty: Century out of date. It's just... obsolete!

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, you know, that's interesting, because I was just thinking that a lot of these systems haven't changed much in the last 75 years. This transporter is basically the same system we use on the Enterprise. Subspace radio and sensors still operate under the same basic principle; impulse engine design hasn't changed much in the last 200 years. If it wasn't for all the structural damage, this ship still might be in service today.

Scotty: Maybe so. But when they can build ships like your Enterprise, who'd want to pilot an old bucket like this?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I don't know. If this ship were operational, I bet she'd run circles around the Enterprise at impulse speeds. Just because something's old doesn't mean you throw it away.

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Scotty: There comes a time when a man finds that he can't fall in love again. He knows that it's time to stop. I don't belong on your ship. I belong on this one. This was my home. This is where I had a purpose... But it's not real. It's just a computer-generated fantasy. And I'm just an old man who's trying to hide in it.

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Commander William T. Riker: [of the shuttle that Picard has given Scotty "on extended loan"] She's not much to look at.

Scotty: [grinning] Laddie, every woman has her own charm; ye just have to know where to look for it.

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Scotty: I was driving starships, while your great-grandfather was still in diapers! I think you'd be grateful for some help! I'll leave ya to work, Mr. La Forge.

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Scotty: Oh, enjoy these times, Geordi. You're the Chief Engineer of a starship; and that's a time of your life that'll never come again. When it's gone - it's gone.

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[Scotty has been served a glass of "Scotch" in Ten Forward]

Scotty: [to the waiter] Laddie, I was drinking Scotch a hundred years before you were born. And I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definitely not Scotch.

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Scotty: [toasting to his long gone comrades] Here's to you, lads.

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Scotty: [of the Enterprise-D] A good crew... and a fine ship - a credit to her name. But I've always found that a ship is only as good as the engineer who takes care of her. And from what I can see, the Enterprise is in good hands.

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[the Enterprise crew has freed Captain Scott from a transporter buffer after 75 years]

Scotty: The Enterprise? I should have known. I bet Jim Kirk himself hauled the old girl out of mothballs to come looking for me.

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Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How are you feeling?

Scotty: I don't know.

Scotty: [to Dr. Crusher] How *am* I feeling?

Doctor Beverly Crusher: Other than a few bumps and bruises I'd say you feel fine for a man of 147.

Scotty: And I don't feel a day over 120.

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Scotty: Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.

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Commander William T. Riker: Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for 75 years?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I know a way to find out.

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Scotty: [referring to Dr. Crusher] Well, I'll say this about your Enterprise: the doctors are a fair sight prettier.

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Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I need to get down to Engineering and begin that analysis.

Scotty: Engineering? I thought you'd never ask!

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[Scotty and Geordi are working to restore the Jenolan's systems]

Scotty: Shunt the deuterium from the main cryo-pump to the auxiliary tank.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Er, the tank can't withstand that kind of pressure.

Scotty: [laughs] Where'd you... where'd you get that idea?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: What do you mean, where did I get that idea? It's in the impulse engine specifications.

Scotty: Regulation 42/15 - Pressure Variances on the IRC Tank Storage?

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah.

Scotty: Forget it. I wrote it. A good engineer is always a wee bit conservative, at least on paper. Just bypass the secondary cut-off valve and boost the flow. It'll work.

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Scotty: [on new acquirements of the 24th century, such as synthehol and Data] Synthetic Scotch, synthetic commanders...

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[last lines]

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You take care of yourself out there.

Scotty: Aye.

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Scotty: Call me Scotty!

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Commander William T. Riker: This looks like the front door. Should we ring the bell?

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Scotty: Good Lord, man! Where have you put me?

Ensign Kane: These are standard guest quarters, sir. I can try and find something bigger if you want.

Scotty: *Bigger*? In my day, even an admiral would nota had such quarters on a starship.

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[the Enterprise is trapped inside the Dyson Sphere and exposed to frequent solar flares]

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, we have to find some way out of here. Begin scanning for another hatch or portal that might still be open.

Lt. Commander Data: The interior surface area is over ten to the sixteenth square kilometers. It will take seven hours to completely scan the surface, sir.

[the Enterprise is hit by another flare]

Lt. Commander Data: I will endeavor to speed up the process, sir.

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Scotty: Geordi, I have spent my whole life trying to figure out crazy ways of doing things. I'm telling ya, as one engineer to another - I can do this.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [sighs] All right. Let's do it.

Scotty: [ecstatic] Aye!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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