Captain James T. Kirk: You would find me a formidable enemy.
Mirror Spock: [Nods] I'm aware of that, Captain. I trust that you are aware of the reverse.
Dr. McCoy: Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better. It gave him character. Of course almost any change would be a distinct improvement.
Captain James T. Kirk: What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe. I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart.
Mr. Spock: Indeed, gentlemen. May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous - in every way splendid examples of homo sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing.
Captain James T. Kirk: [to McCoy] I'm not sure, but I think we've been insulted.
Dr. McCoy: I'm sure.
Mirror Spock: Captain, I am pleased that you frustrated Mr. Chekov's plan. I should regret your death.
Captain James T. Kirk: Why?
Mirror Spock: I do not desire the captaincy. I much prefer my scientific duties, and I am frankly content to be a lesser target.
Captain James T. Kirk: Logical, as always, Mr. Spock.
Captain James T. Kirk: [about to beam back to his own universe] In every revolution there's one man with a vision.
Mirror Spock: Captain Kirk, I shall consider it.
Captain James T. Kirk: [to the parallel Spock] I submit to you that your Empire is illogical because it cannot endure. I submit that YOU are illogical to be a willing part of it.
Captain James T. Kirk: You heard my orders.
Mirror Spock: They are, of course, in contradiction to standard Empire procedure. You cannot ignore the consequences.
Captain James T. Kirk: Is that a threat?
Mirror Spock: I do not threaten, Captain. I merely state facts. I have found you to be an excellent officer. Our missions together have been both successful and profitable; however, I shall not permit your aberrations to jeopardize my position.
Mr. Spock: Apparently, some sort of transposition has taken place. I find it... extremely interesting.
Captain James T. Kirk: [impersonating the parallel Kirk] You're the captain's woman, until he says you're not.
Lt. Marlena Moreau: [handing over a report] Captain Kirk.
[in background, Uhura turns and, in surprise, recognizes the Lieutenant]
Captain James T. Kirk: Lieutenant... um... Lieutenant...?
Lt. Marlena Moreau: Marlena Moreau. I was just assigned last week.
Captain James T. Kirk: All right, Lieutenant. Carry on.
Mr. Spock: You've met her before, Captain?
Captain James T. Kirk: Uh, why do you ask?
Mr. Spock: Your reaction: one of... recognition?
Captain James T. Kirk: Oh, no. No, no. We haven't met before... exactly. She just seemed... a nice, likable girl. I think we could become friends. It's possible.
Mirror Sulu: Still no interest, Uhura? Hmm? I could change your mind.
Uhura: You are away from your post, mister.
Mirror Sulu: Is the captain here? Is Spock here? When the cat's away...
Mirror Kirk: Spock, you traitorous pig, I'll hang you up by your Vulcan ears!
Mirror Marlena: I've been a captain's woman and I like it. I'll be one again if I have to go through every officer in the fleet.
Wilson: Mr. Chekov was going to make me a chief, sir. You could make me an officer.
Captain James T. Kirk: All right. You're working for me.
Wilson: A commission?
Captain James T. Kirk: You're in line. You might even make captain.
Wilson: Yes, sir!
[Kirk knocks Wilson to the ground]
Captain James T. Kirk: Not on MY ship.
Mirror Spock: I do not want to command the Enterprise, but if it should befall me, I suggest you remember that my operatives would avenge my death - and some of them... are Vulcans.
Mirror Sulu: [enraged] You take a lot of chances, Lieutenant.
Uhura: [angrily drawing a knife] So do you, mister. So do you.
Mirror Spock: I shall not waste time with you. You're too inflexible, too disciplined once you're made up your mind, but Dr. McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses - sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.
Captain James T. Kirk: You're running a big risk, Spock.
Mirror Spock: I have the phaser, Captain. And I do not intend to simply disappear as so many of your opponents have in the past.
Mirror Spock: I shall operate the transporter. You have two minutes and ten seconds.
Captain James T. Kirk: In that time, I have something to say. How long before the Halkan prediction of galactic revolt is realized?
Mirror Spock: Approximately two hundred and forty years.
Captain James T. Kirk: The inevitable outcome?
Mirror Spock: The Empire shall be overthrown, of course.
Captain James T. Kirk: The illogic of waste, Mr. Spock. A waste of lives, potential, resources, time. I submit to you that your Empire is illogical because it cannot endure. I submit that *you* are illogical to be a willing part of it.
Uhura: [flirting with Mirror Sulu and stroking his face] You... were supposed... to come back. You... didn't... come back.
Mirror Sulu: [smiles and looks away from security panel]
Uhura: [smacks Mirror Sulu's face after security alarm clears] Oh... I seem to have changed my mind!
Mirror Sulu: You live dangerously, lady.
Uhura: So do you, mister, so do you.
Captain James T. Kirk: [narrating] Captain's log, stardate unknown. We are trapped in a savage parallel universe from which we must escape within four hours, or I will face a death sentence at Mr. Spock's hands.
Captain James T. Kirk: What is this, Mr. Sulu?
Mirror Sulu: Mr. Spock has orders to kill you, Captain. He will succeed... apparently. You will also appear to have killed him after a fierce battle. Regrettable, but it will leave me in command.
Captain James T. Kirk: This is a new race. They offer other things of value besides dilithium crystals.
Mirror Spock: But it is clear that we cannot expect their cooperation. They refuse the Empire. Command procedure dictates that we provide the customary example.
Mirror Spock: Captain, you have placed yourself in a most grave position. This conduct must be reported.
Captain James T. Kirk: You're at liberty to do so, Mr. Spock.
Mirror Chekov: So you die, Captain, and we all move up in rank. No one will question the assassination of a captain who has disobeyed prime orders of the Empire.
Mirror Spock: Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.
Mirror Marlena: I want one thing, Captain: Transfer me! On the Enterprise I am humiliated. On another ship I can hunt fresh game.
Mirror Spock: [a machine operates, and Chekov begins to scream. Kirk turns to look] The agony booth is a most effective means of discipline. I assume you've ordered full duration?
Captain James T. Kirk: I haven't decided.
Mirror Spock: Indeed? His act warrants death.