South Park (TV Series)

Ike's Wee Wee (1998)

Isaac Hayes: Chef

Quotes 

• Chef : Damn it, children! Why do I always have to be the one to explain all of this stuff to you? Ask your parents for once!

  [drives away] 

  Kyle Broflovski : Hey, wait!... Dude, something tells me this "bris" thing isn't good...

• Chef : Hello there, children!

  Kyle Broflovski : Hey, Chef! How's it going?

  Chef : Bad...

  Kyle Broflovski : Why bad?

  Chef : Children, I heard about what happened at school today! Now none of you tooked that nasty marijuana, did you?

  Stan Marsh : No, dude! We never even saw it!

  Chef : Okay, because I just want to tell you that drugs are bad.

  Stan Marsh : We know, we know, that's what EVERYBODY says!

  Chef : Right. But do you know WHY they're bad?

  Kyle Broflovski : Because they're an addictive solution to a greater problem, causing disease of both body and mind, the consequences far outweighing their supposed benefits.

  Chef : And do you have ANY idea what that means?

  Kyle Broflovski : No.

  Eric Cartman : I know! Drugs are bad, because if you do drugs, you're a hippie! And hippies suck!

  Chef : Just listen to this, children: DRUGS ARE BAD. Don't even try to find out about them. Remember, there's a time and place for everything... it's called college!

• Kyle Broflovski : Hey, are you coming to Ike's bris this weekend?

  Chef : Oh, hell no! I can't bear to see that!

  Kyle Broflovski : What do you mean?

  Chef : Don't you boys know what a bris is? They're going to circumcise him!

  Eric Cartman : Eh, what's that?

  Chef : Oh, boy. Here we go again...

• Chef : There's a time and place for everything- and it's called college.