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"The Sopranos" Pilot (TV Episode 1999) Poster

(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Tony Soprano: Carmela, something I gotta confess.

Tony Soprano: [sees Carmela moving her wine glass] What are you doin'?

Carmela Soprano: Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!

Tony Soprano: You're always with the drama, you.

Carmela Soprano: Go ahead and confess already, please! Get it over with!

Tony Soprano: [covers his face] I'm on Prozac.

Carmela Soprano: Oh - Oh my God.

Tony Soprano: I've been seeing a therapist.

Carmela Soprano: [gasps] Oh my God! I think that's great! I think that's so wonderful! I think that's so gutsy!

Tony Soprano: Alright, take it easy.

Carmela Soprano: I just think that's very, very wonderful!

Tony Soprano: You would think I was Hannibal Lecter before or something.

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Tony Soprano: Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody's gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on "Sally Jessy Raphael" and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn't in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See, what they didn't know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings that they wouldn't be able to shut him up! And then it's dysfunction this, and dysfunction that, and dysfunction vaffancul!

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Herman 'Hesh' Rabkin: I hear Junior wants to whack Pussy Bonpensiero.

Tony Soprano: Pussy Malanga.

Herman 'Hesh' Rabkin: Oh, Little Pussy.

Tony Soprano: Yeah, Little Pussy. You think he's going to fuck with Big Pussy? My Pussy?

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Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: So what, no fucking ziti now?

[in the PG-13 version A.J. says]

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: So what, no freaking ziti now?

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Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you have any qualms about how you actually make a living?

Tony Soprano: Yeah. I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

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Tony Soprano: I gotta be honest with you. I'm not getting any satisfaction from my work either.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why?

Tony Soprano: Well, because of RICO.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is he your brother?

Tony Soprano: No. The RICO statutes?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh.

[chuckles]

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course, right.

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Tony Soprano: It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.

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Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: [to Tony] You may run North Jersey but you don't run your Uncle Junior! How many fuckin' hours did I spend playing catch with you?

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[Tony after informing Carmella he's on Prozac warns her to keep it secret]

Tony Soprano: I'm serious. The wrong person finds out about this and I get a steel-jacketed anti-depressant right in the back of the head!

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Tony Soprano: Had some good times. Had some good years?

Carmela Soprano: Here he goes now with the nostalgia.

Tony Soprano: Hey, all I'm saying is no marriage is perfect.

Carmela Soprano: Well, having that comare on the side helps.

Tony Soprano: I told you I'm not seeing her anymore. How do you think I feel, having that priest around all the time?

Carmela Soprano: Don't even go there, alright? Father is a spiritual mentor. He's helping me to be a better Catholic.

Tony Soprano: Yeah, well we all got different needs.

Carmela Soprano: What's different between you and me is you're going to Hell when you die!

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Tony Soprano: [Seeing Dr. Melfi's diploma] Melfi. What part of the boot you from, hon?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [objecting to how he addressed her] Dr. Melfi.

[pause]

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: My father's people were from Caserta.

Tony Soprano: [referring to himself] Avellino. My mother would have loved it if you and I got together.

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[Dr. Melfi gets out her prescription pad]

Tony Soprano: Here we go. Here comes the Prozac!

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Charmaine Bucco: It's bad enough that these mobsters still come in and patronize this place. Okay?

Artie Bucco: But, so what? We're not connected!

Charmaine Bucco: Right, because we just turned down those tickets.

Artie Bucco: But the tickets were comps. Tony is a labor leader.

Charmaine Bucco: Arthur, please grow up. Does the mind not rebel at any possible scenario under which dentists are sending The Don of New Jersey first class on a Norwegian steamship? Come on, Arthur. Somebody donated their knee caps for those tickets!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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