Ray Patterson: Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to... leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
Moe: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
Homer Simpson: Good news, everyone! I got in a fight with the garbage men and they're cutting off our service!
Marge Simpson: Oh, lord, now what are we going to do? Just let the trash pile up?
Homer Simpson: Hey, I'd rather live in a dump than in a world run by snooty garbage men.
Lisa Simpson: Dad, is this another one of those situations that could be solved by a simple apology?
Homer Simpson: I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
Bart Simpson: [over loud speaker] Hey everybody, vote for my dad, Homer Simpson. If you don't he'll beat us.
Homer Simpson: [over loud speaker] Why you little... er... No one's gonna beat you, son.
[under his breath, but still audible]
Homer Simpson: You're gonna get such a beating!
Homer Simpson: [pushes in front of a queue] I wanna register to run for sanitation commissioner. And tell the fat cats upstairs things are gonna change in this town.
Clerk: Okay, but this is where you register as a sex offender.
Moe: [arriving at the back of the queue] Aw, jeez, there's always a line.
Marge Simpson: Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.
Homer Simpson: That's not the way she tells it.
Native American-Indian #1: Do yourself a favour. Don't turn around.
[camera pans across to show the old Spingfield as a huge land of rubbish and waste]
Native American-Indian #2: [off-screen] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Native American-Indian #1: [off-screen] I told you not to turn around.
Marge Simpson: Homer, this has gone far enough. Will you please just apologize to the garbage men?
Lisa Simpson: Yeah, Dad. You're always telling me and Bart to apologize.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, but I'm always secretly disappointed when you do. Anyway, I think those garbage men are starting to crack.
Bart Simpson: I think you're starting to crack.
Homer Simpson: Apologize for that remark!
Bart Simpson: No way!
Homer Simpson: Atta-boy!
Homer Simpson: Hey Ray, cleaning out the old office, eh?
Ray Patterson: If I hadn't already packed my letter opener, I'd give you such a stabbing!
Costingtons Manager: Okay, people, we need to cook up a new holiday for the summer. Something with gifts, cards, assorted gougeables.
Costingtons Woman: How about something religious? We had great penetration last spring with Christmas Two.
Costingtons Man: Oh, I know. Spendover, like Passover, less talk, more presents.
[Everyone starts talking at once]
Costingtons Manager: No, no, no! No, it's gotta be warm and fuzzy. Some like, um, "Love Day", but not so lame.
[cut to the Simpsons home several days later]
Marge Simpson: Happy Love Day, everyone!
Lisa Simpson: Come on, Mom, The stores just invented this holiday to make money.
Homer Simpson: Lisa, don't you ruin another Love Day.
Ned Flanders: [tiptoeing over the Simpsons' rubbish pile] Easy, Ned. Don't breathe in.
[some rubbish falls on his head]
Ned Flanders: Ow!
Homer Simpson: Sorry, Ned. I didn't see you down there.
Homer Simpson: Got him.
Ned Flanders: Uh, listen, Homer, I hate to be a fussy Freddy and all, but Maude's folks are here, and they're a tad touchy about odors.
Homer Simpson: Then you might want to close your windows before the sun hits Diaper Hill.
Rod Flanders: [standing on top of a huge pile of used diapers] Look, Daddy. I'm the king of the mountain!
Ned Flanders: Rod, get off of there!
Ray Patterson: Here's your apology back, Mr Simpson, and I'm sorry we couldn't work this out.
Homer Simpson: Don't come off all high and mighty with me, Patterson. You can't scare me with your office and your desk and your lamp.
Ray Patterson: I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to get my work done.
Homer Simpson: Oh, oh, oh, I get it. Put on a big show for the cameras.
Ray Patterson: What cameras? Why are you still here?
Homer Simpson: I came to fight city hall. I want to shake things up, Patterson. Stir up some controversy, rattle a few cages.
[Homer rattles a bird cage]
Ray Patterson: Hey! Stop that!
Homer Simpson: You'll never silence me. I'm the last angry man, Patterson. A crusader for the little guy!
[Homer rattles the bird cage again]
Ray Patterson: Leave the bird alone!
Homer Simpson: Never!
Ray Patterson: Look, Simpson, I've been elected by the voters of this city 16 years in a row. So they must think I'm doing a damn good job.
Homer Simpson: You wanna know what I think?
Ray Patterson: No! Nobody wants to hear the nonsensical ravings of a loudmouthed malcontent!
Homer Simpson: Oh! Well, we'll see about that!
Bono: Hold on folks. The man's talking about waste management, that effects the whole damn planet!
The Edge: Aw, here we go.
The Edge: What do you say we slip out to Moe's for a pint?
Adam Clayton: Can I come?
The Edge: No.
Adam Clayton: Wankers.
Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won.
Lisa's Brain: I know, I heard it too. Here's some music.
[Piano music plays quietly. Lisa smiles contentedly]
Homer Simpson: [Trips over the rubbish bin] D'oh!
Marge Simpson: [Calling from upstairs] I heard that! You know the rule!
Homer Simpson: Oh, but I can rebuild.
Homer Simpson: [At a town meeting] I'm sorry my opponent didn't think enough of you to show up for this debate. I'm sure he had more important things to do.
[Homer imitates Patterson drinking, everyone laughs]
Susie Smith: Okay. Camera two.
[Homer starts pushing buttons]
Susie Smith: Uh, excuse me. This is a restricted area.
Homer Simpson: Take a hike, Kojak!
[pushes her away]
Marge Simpson: Homer, you didn't beat City Hall. They picked up our trash because I wrote a letter of apology to the sanitation commissioner and signed your name. Period.
Homer Simpson: [hurt] You signed my name? I feel so violated.
Marge Simpson: You've signed my name lots of times!
Homer Simpson: But this isn't like a loan application or a will! You've signed away my dignity! And I'm going to get it back. Lisa, do I have my pants on?
Lisa Simpson: Yes.
Homer Simpson: Perfect.
Homer Simpson: My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much.
Mayor Quimby: Simpson, you idiot! You spent your entire year's budget in a month! Your department's broke!
Homer Simpson: [panicking] Uh... oh, no! Wait! I think I've got the perfect solution.
Mayor Quimby: You'd better! 'Cause those garbage men won't work for free!
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Marge Simpson: How could you spend $4.6 million in a month?
Homer Simpson: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge! A stamp!
Homer Simpson: [his garbagemen are angrily demanding their paychecks] Will cash be okay?
Garbage Man: Will it!
Mayor Quimby: [poking his head into the room] Did I, uh, hear a briefcase opening?
Homer Simpson: Okay, before I show you, who wants to guess how I got the money?
Bart Simpson: Dealing drugs?
Lisa Simpson: Drugs?
Marge Simpson: I'll have to say drugs, too.
Homer Simpson: Close, but you're way off.
Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr.: [during the "Garbage Man" song] The sanitation folks are jolly, friendly blokes. Courteous and easygoing! They mop up when you're overflowing. And tell you when your arse is showing!
Bono: [after Homer invades U2's Pop-Mart concert] Wait, people. He's talking about waste management, that affects the whole damn planet!
The Edge: Awww, here he goes! Anyone fancy going to Moe's for a pint?
Adam Clayton: Can I come?
The Edge: [looks at Larry Mullen Jnr] No!
Adam Clayton: [whispers] Wankers!
[Edge and Larry turn around, and Adam pretends to be tuning his bass guitar]