Reporter #1: Champ, do you feel remorse for your crime?
Drederick Tatum: Oh, yes. Believe me, my god, if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly, reconsider it.
Reporter #2: Drederick, ah, what do you think of Homer Simpson?
Drederick Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.
Reporter #3: Uh, you know, they do have a mother, Champ?
Drederick Tatum: Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief.
Moe Szyslak: Fun's over, fellas! If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two-drink minimum.
Marge Simpson: Homer, you don't know how to box, you're 38 years old, and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school. Of all the crazy ideas you've had, this one ranks somewhere in the middle. Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.
Homer Simpson: No problemo.
[kisses her and walks off]
Marge Simpson: [realizes] A competent doctor!
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Moe Szyslak: Are you man enough to test every one of your limits?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: And are you man enough to throw a punch should the opportunity arise?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: And are you man enough to give me a sixty percent cut?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: I'll take it.
Homer Simpson: Whoo-hoo!
Dr. Hibbert: You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known as "Homer Simpson" syndrome.
Homer Simpson: Oh, why me?
Homer Simpson: You used to be a boxer just like me?
Moe Szyslak: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, finally, I would like to return your quote-unquote "ultimate" belt.
Clerk: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no need of a medium-size belt.
Clerk: Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies...
Comic Book Guy: Hey, I... oh.
Clerk: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but, ah, no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
Homer Simpson: Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand: squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find. Coming to me was a good start.
Jimbo Jones: Hey Simpson, wanna trade belts?
Bart: Well, not really, 'cause yours is just a piece of extension cord.
Kearney Zzyzwicz: Hey dude, he's ragging on your cord.
Jimbo Jones: Get him!
Moe Szyslak: Who's gonna knock you down?
Homer Simpson: No one!
Moe Szyslak: When are you gonna fight back?
Homer Simpson: Never!
Moe Szyslak: What are you gonna do?
Homer Simpson: Nothing!
Moe Szyslak: That's my boy!
[on television, a monstrously strong Drederick Tatum exits a jail cell threateningly]
TV Announcer: Society put away Drederick Tatum for his brutal crime. But he's paid his debt, and now he's going to get revenge... on Homer Simpson.
Marge Simpson: Night vision goggles? A bathroom scale from a soviet sub? A suede briefcase case? Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol must have some terrible emotional problems.
Homer Simpson: [gasping] Marge, look! "The world's best jacket." If I had this, it would show everybody!
Homer Simpson: Show everybody...!
Moe Szyslak: Homer, I want you to have my lucky mitts. I hope you do better with them than I did.
Homer Simpson: Gee, thanks, Moe. What's this?
Moe Szyslak: Ah, that's the barbed wire. We called that the stinger. They, uh... they don't let you use that no more.
Homer Simpson: I'll make a fortune for one night's work! We can have all the things we always dreamed of: a snooty butler, carpeted carports, those blue cupcakes they sell sometimes...
Marge Simpson: But you'll get killed!
Homer Simpson: Marge! Will you let me finish? Plug-in room deodorizers, front and rear spoilers for the car...
Moe Szyslak: [to Homer, who's about to begin his new career as a boxer] Now, no matter how much he hits you, you don't do nothin'. OK? You don't want to get drawn into a boxing match here.
Drederick Tatum: [after Homer is saved by Moe] Homer, your manager obviously loves you very much. Lucius, would you do that for me?
Lucious Sweet: Absolutely, I would. Now get in the van.
Lucious Sweet: [to Moe] You couldn't even give me one lousy round, Moe. You will always be a loser. Now take your check for a hundred thousand dollars and get out of my sight!
Moe Szyslak: I don't need your stinkin' money!
[puts the check in his pocket]