Homer Simpson: [drunk] Goodnight, Barney. Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow. Just slide it under the door.
Homer: That's it. I'm getting out of this town alive if it kills me.
Khlav Kalesh Guy: Fresh Khlav kalash! Get your khlav kalash!
Homer Simpson: Hey, uh, could you go across the street and get me a slice of pizza?
Khlav Kalesh Guy: No pizza, only khlav kalash.
Homer Simpson: Aw, shoot... Oh, all right, all right, gimme one bowl.
Khlav Kalesh Guy: [whips out something reddish on a stick] No bowl, stick, stick.
Homer Simpson: [Homer buys one, tries it] Oh, geez! That's just awful.
Homer Simpson: Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Khlav Kalesh Guy: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.
Homer Simpson: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.
[Homer drinks the can of crab juice, then several more]
Homer Simpson: [burps] Uh-oh. Uh, you got a men's room in there?
Khlav Kalesh Guy: [disturbed] Only khlav kalash. Men's room in tower. Tower! Observation deck!
Wealthy Dowager: [after getting pushed by Homer on his way to the men's room] How frightfully rude! I do hope someone stabs him in the eye.
Homer: All right, New York. I'm coming back. But you're not gonna get this!
[Homer throws his wallet into the lit fireplace]
Lisa: Dad, our baby pictures are in there.
Homer: Don't you start!
Lisa Simpson: [Upon seeing dead rabbits hanging in a store window] Mom, are those rabbits dead?
Marge: No, they're just, uh, sleeping. Upside down. And... inside out.
Homer: They expect me to wait here from 9 to 5? That's... how many hours?
[looks at watch; counts fingers]
Homer: 10, 11... denominator... Awww where's Lisa when ya need her?
Marge: Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer: You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.
[Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk]
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girl's college.
Carl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
Homer Simpson: Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.
Bart Simpson: [after witnessing the craziness at the MAD Magazine offices] Wow! I will never wash these eyes again!
Marge: You know, when I was a little girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience!
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girls college!
Carl: No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!
Homer Simpson: It's my car, and I say we're going to the Lost City of Gold!
Barney Gumble: [angry] Oh, that's just drunk talk!
Barney Gumble: Sweet, beautiful drunk talk...
Bart Simpson: When I grow up, I wanna be in the Betty Ford Center.
Marge Simpson: You'd better start saving now, it's very expensive.
Lisa Simpson: Shh! They're strapping down Liza Minelli.
Homer: [after Barney has been missing for two months] Barney, where have you been?
Barney: All I can remember about the last two months, is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.
Lisa: [During the musical] Ssshh! They're strapping down Liza Minnelli!
Barney Gumble: [draws a black pickled egg, meaning he's the designated driver] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Homer Simpson: He got the black one!