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"The Simpsons" Stark Raving Dad (TV Episode 1991) Poster

(TV Series)

(1991)

Quotes

Homer Simpson: I can't wear pink! Everyone at work wears white! I'm not popular enough to be different.

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Doctor: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and... bladder hostility.

Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is.

Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart? Good lord!

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Leon Kompowsky: [in Michael Jackson's voice] Hi, I'm Michael Jackson from The Jacksons.

Homer: I'm Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons.

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Bart: [singing] Lisa, her teeth are big and green. Lisa, she smells like gasoline. Lisa, ta-ra-ra Lisa. She is my sista, her birthday I mista.

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Leon Kompowsky: We call this one the Chief. He's been here since 1968. Never says a word. Never moves a muscle.

Homer Simpson: [waves] Hey, Chief.

Chief: [waves back] Hello.

[all the doctors gather around muttering and writing notes]

Chief: Well, it's about time somebody reached out to me!

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[Homer is calling home from a mental institution]

Bart: Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.

Homer: Boy, when I get home, I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and...

[noticing the orderlies glaring at him, he relents]

Homer: ...smother you with kisses.

Bart: Homer, whatever they've got you on, cut the dose.

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[answering the phone]

Bart: Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em.

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Montgomery Burns: Why is that man in pink?

Waylon Smithers: Oh, ah, that's Homer Simpson, sir; he's one of your boobs from Section 7-G.

Montgomery Burns: Simpson, aye? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.

Waylon Smithers: I'll call security, sir.

Montgomery Burns: Excellent. Yes, these colored monitors have already paid for themselves.

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Homer: [yells after being shown an inkblot that looks like Bart] The boy!

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Leon Kompowsky: You know Bart, when I was growing up I didn't have much money. So you know what I did every time my sisters' birthdays rolled around?

Bart: Stiffed them?

Leon Kompowsky: No Bart, I wrote them a song to show them I cared.

Bart: I can't write a song! I'm only ten.

Leon Kompowsky: *Only* ten?, When I was your age, I had six Gold Records.

Bart: Hey, Looney Tunes...

[pulls out the "Thriller" album]

Bart: *this* is what Michael Jackson looks like! You just look like a big, fat mental patient!

Leon Kompowsky: You'd be amazed how often I hear that, Bart.

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Homer Simpson: [trying to scrub off hand stamp that reads "insane"] Come off! I'm sane now!

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Homer Simpson: [after Leon moonwalks] How do you do that thing with your feet?

Leon Kompowsky: You mean the moonwalk?

Homer Simpson: No! That thing with your feet!

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Doctor: After analyzing your husband, we have determined that he's not a danger to anyone.

Homer Simpson: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Can I have it in writing?

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Bart: [Lisa wakes up Bart] Lisa, it's 6 a.m., what's wrong? Dad died?

Lisa Simpson: No, no, no, he's fine.

Bart: Whaddya know, I'm relieved!

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Bart: Hey, Mom, Dad's in a mental institution!

Marge: Oh, my God! Mother was right.

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Bart: [Homer gives a mental health questionnaire he's supposed to complete to Bart] Dad, maybe you should fill out this form.

Homer: Son, it's no different than the time I let you vote for me. Remember that absentee ballot?

Bart: Oh, yeah!

[Homer quickly gets absorbed in a "funniest home videos" show on the TV]

Bart: Hey, Dad, do you hear voices...?

Homer: [annoyed] Yes, I'm hearing one now, while I'm trying to watch TV!

Bart: [checks] "Yes." Are you quick to anger...?

Homer: [raises a fist] Bart! Shut up or I'll shut you up!

Bart: [checks] "Yes." Do you wet your pants...? Well, even the best of us has an occasional accident.

[he proceeds to check "yes" for all remaining questions]

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Dave: Okay so I was working an insurance company right

[sniffles]

Dave: youngest VP in the history of the firm, okay the job was my life

[sniffles]

Dave: then one Monday morning

[clears throat]

Dave: I got up I couldn't leave the house, I just couldn't

Homer: Was the door locked?

Dave: No, I just couldn't face what was out there

Homer: Was it raining?

Nurse: No Homer, Dave suffers from agoraphobia: a fear of open areas and crowds, please Dave go on

Dave: Thank you, anyway that day I, I just couldn't make that long drive to work

Homer: Were you out of gas?

[the nurse glares angrily at Homer]

Homer: [turns toward Dave] Pfft baby!

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Waylon Smithers: Careful, men - he wets his pants.

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Homer: Lisa, you like homework. Would you fill out this form for me?

Lisa Simpson: Well, all right - if you listen to the poem I just wrote.

Homer: D'oh...! Uh, okay.

Lisa Simpson: "Meditations on Turning Eight," by Lisa Simpson. "I had a cat named Snowball, she died, she died! Mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied! Why, oh why is my cat dead? Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead? I had a hamster named Snuffy, he died!"

[that's all she wrote, literally]

Homer: No deal.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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