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"The Simpsons" The Mysterious Voyage of Homer (TV Episode 1997) Poster

Quotes

Homer Simpson: Huh? Golf course? Did I dream that whole thing? Maybe the desert was just this sand trap. Oh, and I bet that crazy pyramid was just the pro shop.

[the pro shop is on top of a giant pyramid, as well]

Homer Simpson: And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog.

Talking Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate.

Homer Simpson: Hey, wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog!

Talking Dog: [barks]

Homer Simpson: Damn straight!

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Coyote: [v.o] Find your soul mate, Homer.

Homer Simpson: But where? Where?

Coyote: [v.o] I'm just your memory. I can't give you any new information.

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Chief Wiggum: I've added a secret ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenengo!

[the crowd gasps]

Chief Wiggum: Grown deep in the jungles primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.

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Lisa Simpson: [Seeing a silhouette of Homer against a spotlit sky] Is that Dad?

Bart Simpson: Either that or Batman has really let himself go.

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Homer Simpson: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

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Homer: Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

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Homer Simpson: In your face, space coyote!

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Homer Simpson: We're so different! It's like you're from Venus!

Marge Simpson: And you're from Mars.

Homer Simpson: Oh, sure, give *me* the one with all the monsters!

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[Homer is on the phone, looking for a soul mate in the personal ads]

Homer Simpson: Hello, is this GBM? You wrote in the personals that you're looking for a soul mate. Well, I also like rainy days and movies.

[pause]

Homer Simpson: No, I don't like *that*.

[pause]

Homer Simpson: Or that. It's not that I'm afraid...

[hastily]

Homer Simpson: I'm going to hang up now, bye!

[hangs up the phone]

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Homer Simpson: [runs screaming into a field]

Ralph Wiggum: Hey, Mister!

Otto: Let him go, Ralph. He knows what he's doing.

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Homer Simpson: [notices the sun rising and setting according to how he walks] Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset. Sunrisesunsetsunrisesunsetsunrisesuns-

[He accidentally breaks the sun]

Homer Simpson: AAAHH! Note to self: stop doing anything.

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Chief Wiggum: I want to hallucinate, too!

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Coyote: I speak of a deeper wisdom. The problem, Homer, is that the mind is always chattering away with a thousand thoughts at once.

Homer Simpson: Yeah, that's me all right.

[gets a glazed look in his eyes as the wind blows his two hair strands]

Coyote: Clarity is the path to inner peace.

Homer Simpson: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?

Coyote: [snorts] Are you kidding? If anything, you should get *more* possessions. You don't even have a computer.

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Coyote: I speak of a deeper wisdom. The problem, Homer, is that the mind is always chattering away with a thousand thoughts at once.

Homer Simpson: Yeah, that's me all right.

[gets a glazed look in his eyes as the wind blows his two hair strands]

Coyote: Clarity is the path to inner peace.

Homer Simpson: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?

Coyote: [snorts] Are you kidding? If anything, you should get *more* possessions. You don't even have a computer.

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[the coyote growls and starts chewing on Homer's leg]

Homer Simpson: Hey! Knock it off!

[Homer kicks the coyote off his leg]

Coyote: Sorry. I am a coyote.

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Homer Simpson: What's that smell? Chilli? Chilli powder? It's chilli! Oh my! It's the chilli cook off! I'm missing the cook off! It's going on right now and I'm missing it!

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Homer Simpson: [sits down on top of the huge pyramid] I hate this place! WHY AM I HERE?

Coyote: [voice only] You are on a quest for knowledge.

Homer Simpson: Who said that?

[the Moon turns around revealing itself to be an eye, Saturn flies next to the eye and becomes a second eye. The large red face of a Space Coyote appears in the sky, smiles at Homer and moves down to the top of the pyramid]

Coyote: Fear not Homer. I am your spirit guide.

Homer Simpson: Hiya.

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Homer Simpson: [seriously] Gimme some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with ya!

Coyote: Good. Your mind is in a state of readiness, so listen well: To make yourself complete, you must find your Soulmate.

Homer Simpson: Soulmate?

Coyote: Your kindred spirit. The one with whom you share an unspoken bond, a profound, mystical understanding.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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