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Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Quotes

Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Die Simpsons

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Shared with you
  • [At the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence awards show]
  • Lisa: This award is the biggest farce I've ever seen.
  • Bart: What about the Emmys?
  • Lisa: I stand corrected.
  • Doctor: This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat.
  • [he looks and sees Homer eating a drumstick]
  • Doctor: Hey, no eating in the tank!
  • Homer Simpson: Go to hell.
  • Mr. Burns: Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you. I want your legal advice, I even pay for it.
  • [building]
  • Mr. Burns: But to me you're all vipers! You live on personal injury, you live on divorces, you live on pain and misery...!
  • [calms down]
  • Mr. Burns: But I'm rambling. Anybody want any coffee?
  • Blue Haired Lawyer: I'll have some coffee.
  • Mr. Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart! It's so hard for me to listen to you...
  • [shouts]
  • Mr. Burns: I hate you all so much!
  • [calms down]
  • Mr. Burns: I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please continue.
  • Blue Haired Lawyer: If you offer Mr. Simpson a token sum, say a couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled he'll sign anything you shove under his nose.
  • Mr. Burns: Oh, brilliant! A cash settlement...
  • [shouts]
  • Mr. Burns: I could have figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!
  • Blue Haired Lawyer: Do you have any cream?
  • Mr. Burns: Oh yes, of course. Where are my manners?
  • Homer Simpson: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand bucks on it, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
  • Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?
  • Homer Simpson: I try, but I can't.
  • Herb: Lisa, aren't you happy to see me?
  • Lisa: Why didn't you write, Unky Herb?
  • Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you, what was I supposed to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow, thanks to your pop?"
  • Lisa: I see your point.
  • [Herb is losing at Monopoly]
  • Herb: [aggravated] That's all I got!
  • Homer: [laughing] Broke again, eh Herb? Just like in real life. I guess you're just not much of a businessman.
  • [Herb punches Homer]
  • Herb: [rings Simpsons' bell] Now, what do I do? I mean, this is the guy who ruined me. Then again, he's my brother... So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?
  • Homer: [opens door] Herb.
  • [Herb punches him in the face]
  • [At the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence awards show]
  • Lisa: This award is the biggest farce I've ever seen.
  • Bart: What about the Emmys?
  • Lisa: I stand corrected.
  • Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
  • Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
  • [Homer is moping about his broken couch]
  • Joe Frazier: I know how you feel, Homer. You lost your couch. I lost the heavyweight championship.
  • Homer Simpson: [scoffs] Heavyweight championship... there's like three of those! That couch was one of a kind.
  • Herb: [referring to himself] How would you like to spend $2,000 to give a broken man a second chance?
  • Homer: Nah.
  • Herb: Let me show you this.
  • [Herb sets a drinking bird mechanism on the table]
  • Homer: [amazed] It's drinking the water!
  • Herb: Take it easy, Homer. Now, this device shows how a product, carefully marketed...
  • Homer: This is the greatest invention in the world! You'll make a million dollars!
  • Herb: No, Homer, that invention is out already. Anyway ...
  • Homer: [chuckling] Heheheheh, it's going back for more!
  • Herb: [Herb is telling a bunch of fellow bums about how he lost a successful car company] Life was sweet. Then I found out I had a long lost half-brother. I let him
  • [Homer]
  • Herb: design a car that would either make or break my company. Forbes magazine called it "The Blunder of the Century". Little overblown, don't you think?
  • Ned Flanders: [Ned has taken Herb in, and cleaned him up] If you want to stay the night... Maude and I can sleep on card tables.
  • Marge Simpson: How was work today?
  • Homer Simpson: Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough... .
  • [sitting in a vibrating massage chair]
  • Homer: Now excuse me while I kiss the sky.
  • Herb: [about to meet Homer again] What do I say to this guy? This is the guy who ruined me! On the other hand, he's family. So many emotions, how do I express them?
  • Homer Simpson: [Opens the door and sees Herb] Herb?
  • [Herb punches him across the face, and Homer collapses to the ground]
  • Homer: Alright, Herb, we'll give you the money. But you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
  • Herb: Nope.
  • Homer: Okay, then just give me the drinking bird.
  • Bart, Lisa: Unky Herb!
  • Herb: [hugging them] Bart! Lisa! I'm so happy to see you.
  • Homer: [rubbing his cheek] You weren't so happy to see me.
  • Herb: I'm sorry. Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Everything you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!
  • Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house, could you just kick me in the butt?
  • Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises.
  • Smithers: [when it is discovered that Homer is sterile] Background radiation from the plant is the reason he's shooting blanks. He could sue us for millions.
  • Mr. Burns: Mother of Pearl! Call my lawyers!
  • Herb: Now, Bart, you know you're too young for that machine gun, but I got you something that'll make sure that when you're old enough, you can still buy one: a membership in the National Rifle Association.
  • Bart: Wow, the NRA! Can I get armor-piercing, cyanide-tipped bullets, too?
  • Herb: It's in the Constitution, son.

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Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Dan Castellaneta, and Yeardley Smith in Die Simpsons (1989)
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What is the Spanish language plot outline for Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992)?
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