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"The Simpsons" Bart on the Road (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

[Lisa tells Homer about Bart's problem after making him promise not to get mad]

Lisa: [rapidly] Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson to a wig outlet in Knoxville and the car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't get home and Bart's working as a courier and just came back from Hong Kong!

[Homer's face turns pink, but his voice is eerily calm]

Homer: Yes, that's a real pickle. Would you excuse me for a moment?

[He puts on a radiation suit hood and screams out indistinguishable profanities, fogging the glass of the faceplate. When he takes the hood off, he is eerily calm again]

Homer: All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home. Then I will murder him.

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[after seeing the movie "Naked Lunch"]

Nelson: I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.

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[on working at the DMV]

Patty: Some days we don't let the line move at all.

Selma: Yeah, we call those *week*days.

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[last lines]

[after Homer and Lisa secretly rescue Bart from his latest escapade, Homer and Marge are settling down for the night. The phone rings, Marge picks it up]

Marge: Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. All right, goodbye.

[she hangs up, but the phone rings again]

Marge: Hello? Tennessee State Police? No, my son's car did not get crushed in Knoxville! I can't even begin to tell you what's wrong with that.

[she hangs up, the phone rings yet again]

Marge: Hello? No, Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam!

[she hangs up and turns out the light]

Homer: Hee, hee, hee...

Marge: Homer, are you laughing at me?

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Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Snotball, first name Ura.

Moe: Ura Snotball?

Homer: What? How dare you. If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran.

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Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?

Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?

Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

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[When the school replaces a normal school day with "Follow your parents to work" day, Marge encourages Lisa to go to the nuclear plant, while Bart looks forward to staying home, "observing" Marge]

Marge: Lisa, you've always been interested in nuclear power.

Lisa: Mom, I've signed numerous petitions to shut that place down.

Marge: Well, there you go.

Bart: Mom, you're in the way of the TV. If you want to, you can fill out my form.

Marge: [reading] "Parent's occupation... Please note that 'homemaker' is not allowed, as it is not real work, that's why you don't get paid." Mmmm...

Lisa: Bart can take my place at the nuclear power plant.

Marge: But Bart so wanted to see women in the workplace.

Lisa: Well, how about Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma at the DMV?

[Bart gasps]

Marge: Thank you, Lisa! I would have never thought of that.

[Lisa chuckles]

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[Selma just took Cletus' picture for his driver's license]

Selma: Okay. One more step. I just gotta go laminate your license. You'll get it in two to three weeks.

Cletus: Hot damn! No more sittin' in the dirt at the drive-in!

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Milhouse Van Houten: [They arrive in Branson, Missouri] What is this place?

Bart: Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas if it were run by Ned Flanders.

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Milhouse Van Houten: [as the guys try to decide on where to go, Milhouse looks at a guide to the World's Fair in Knoxville, TN, but he doesn't realize that the fair was in 1982] How about a fair? Not just a county fair, not just a Europe fair but a world's fair! The World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Bart: Keep reading.

Milhouse Van Houten: The Hungarians have built a giant, motorized Rubik's Cube and the fair's symbol is the sun sphere which sits atop a 266-foot-tall steel shaft.

Bart: What's inside?

Milhouse Van Houten: An information desk! Cool!

Bart: So, it's a choice between Disney World and Knoxville.

Milhouse Van HoutenNelsonMartin Prince: Knoxville, Knoxville, Knoxville!

Bart: I concur.

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Nelson: [Nelson threw a rock at the sun sphere and knocked it down, but it crushed their car] But on the plus side, I knocked over the sun sphere. Ha-ha!

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Bart: Uh, excuse me. Is this the world's fair visitor's center?

Wig Shop Owner: Used to be, back in 1982. You're 14 years too late.

Milhouse Van Houten: But there's another world's fair coming soon, right? Before Friday?

Bart: What about the sun sphere?

Wig Shop Owner: You mean the wig sphere. You're welcome to go up there if you want to see 16,000 boxes of unsold wigs. Now, are you gentlemen gonna buy some wigs or ain't ya?

Milhouse Van Houten: [They're all wearing lady wigs] I guess fate was against us.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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