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"Seinfeld" The Soup (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Quotes

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Jerry Seinfeld: So he just gets soup. He wants to save the meal. So now I got to do it all over again.

Elaine Benes: What kind of soup did he get?

Jerry Seinfeld: I don't know. Consomme or something.

Elaine Benes: Consomme, hmm.

Jerry Seinfeld: What?

Elaine Benes: Well, that's not really a meal, Jerry. I mean, if he had gotten Chicken Gumbo, or Matzah Ball, or Mushroom Barley. Then I would agree with you. Those are very hearty soups.

Jerry Seinfeld: Elaine, you're missing the whole point.

Elaine Benes: What?

Jerry Seinfeld: The meal is the act of sitting down with him. It doesn't matter what you get. As long as he's sitting in that restaurant, it's a meal.

Elaine Benes: Was it a cup or a bowl?

Jerry Seinfeld: You see - ah, uh...

Elaine Benes: I'm just curious.

Jerry Seinfeld: A bowl, okay?

Elaine Benes: Did he crumble any crackers in it?

[Jerry exhales in exasperation]

Elaine Benes: Did he crumble any crackers in it?

Jerry Seinfeld: As a matter of fact, he did.

Elaine Benes: Oh, well. Crackers in a bowl. That, that could be a meal.

Jerry Seinfeld: It's like I'm talking to my Aunt Sylvia here.

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Kenny: You worn the suit yet?

Jerry Seinfeld: No, not yet.

Hildy: [the waitress comes up] Have you decided?

Kenny: Oh, get the swordfish. Best swordfish in the city. The best, Jerry.

Jerry Seinfeld: I'll have the salmon.

Hildy: And you?

Kenny: Ahh, you know what I think. I'm just going to have soup. Yeah, I'll save the meal for another time.

Jerry Seinfeld: Another time? What other time?

Kenny: I had a hot dog earlier. I'm not that hungry.

Jerry Seinfeld: No, no, Bania, no. This is the dinner. The soup counts.

Kenny: Soup's not a meal. You're supposed to buy me a meal.

Jerry Seinfeld: I'm not stopping you from eating. Go ahead and eat. Get anything you want.

Kenny: I don't want anything but soup.

Jerry Seinfeld: Then that's the meal.

Kenny: But I had the hot dog.

Jerry Seinfeld: I didn't tell you to have a hot dog. Who told you to have a hot dog?

Kenny: Hey, I give you a brand-new Armani suit, and you won't even buy me a meal?

Jerry Seinfeld: All right, fine. Get the soup!

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Kramer: What, you're giving him this suit?

Kenny: That's right, and it's an Armani.

Kramer: Armani? Hey, Armani, Jerry.

Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, yes, I heard.

Kramer: Come on, try it on.

Jerry Seinfeld: No, it's okay.

Kramer: Come on, I want to see how it fits.

Jerry Seinfeld: All right, all right.

Kramer: There you go.

Jerry Seinfeld: Okay, yeah, all right.

Kramer: Oh boy, that looks great. I can't believe you're giving him this.

Kenny: I don't even want anything for it.

Kramer: He's very generous, isn't he?

Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, yes, he is.

Kenny: I'll tell you what - you can take me out to dinner some time.

Jerry Seinfeld: [in tones of dread] Dinner?

Kenny: Yeah. You buy me a meal - you can't get a better deal than that.

Kramer: No, you'll never get a better deal than that!

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[Jerry and George are at Monk's]

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, no, it's Kenny. Slide out so he can't sit down.

[George and Jerry each slide to the end of their booth seats]

Kenny: Hey.

Jerry Seinfeld: Hey.

Kenny: You worn the suit yet?

Jerry Seinfeld: Actually, I did. I put it on last night and slept in it.

Kenny: You did?

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, I'm joking.

Kenny: OH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I squeeze in?

George Costanza: [bleakly] Sure you can.

Kelly: Can I take your order?

Kenny: What kind of soup do you have?

Jerry Seinfeld: Why don't you get a sandwich?

Kenny: Okay, I'll have tomato soup and, ah, tuna on toast.

Jerry Seinfeld: Okay. This is it, you know. This is the meal, so stock up, buddy boy.

Kenny: What are you talking about? This isn't a meal.

Jerry Seinfeld: Yes it is. Soup and sandwich. That is a meal.

Kenny: You're supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant, like Mendy's.

Jerry Seinfeld: I tried to do that.

Kenny: This is lunch in a coffee shop.

Jerry Seinfeld: Doesn't matter, this is it. This completes the transaction.

Kenny: Ah, soup and a sandwich for a brand-new Armani suit. Is that any kind of gesture?

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Jerry Seinfeld: So, you just pretended it didn't bother you?

George Costanza: What is that, 'boyfriend'? I don't understand that. What, what does she think I asked her out for?

Jerry Seinfeld: Boy, it's the way they just slip that in there, too.

George Costanza: Yeah, like it's just part of the conversation. 'Oh, my boyfriend really likes watches. He's a real watch freak.' Well, that's fabulous.

Jerry Seinfeld: Well, let me ask you this. What exactly did you say when you asked her out?

George Costanza: I said, 'Would you like to go for a walk or something?'

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, a walk, well...

George Costanza: Or something. I said, 'Or something'!

Jerry Seinfeld: Or something. Yeah, that's a date.

George Costanza: [missing the sardonic tone] There you go!

Jerry Seinfeld: You know, there is always the possibility that she called an audible.

George Costanza: What do you mean?

Jerry Seinfeld: Well, she got up to the line of scrimmage, didn't like the looks of the defense and changed the play.

George Costanza: I think things were going okay. We were having a nice conversation.

Jerry Seinfeld: Uh huh.

George Costanza: I mentioned how I liked horse manure.

Jerry Seinfeld: You did?

George Costanza: Yeah.

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah. You said you liked horse manure.

George Costanza: Yeah. You know, about how when you break it down, it's really a very positive thing. You know, you have a 'newer,' with a 'ma' in front of it. MA-NURE. It's not bad.

Jerry Seinfeld: And it was around this point that she mentioned the boyfriend?

George Costanza: Yeah. Oh, you think because of what I said about the manure. I was just saying how it takes a negative thing, and puts a positive spin on it.

Jerry Seinfeld: I'm just saying there's a chance she may not have been enamored with your thoughts and feelings on manure.

George Costanza: So you don't think she really has a boyfriend?

Jerry Seinfeld: My honest opinion, I think she made it up.

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[Jerry and George are at Monk's Cafe]

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh no, it's Kenny Bania.

George Costanza: Who's he?

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, he's this awful comedian.

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Kenny: Oh, Jerry, you know what just hit me? I was thinking - What size suit are you?

Jerry Seinfeld: Ahh, I'm a 40. Why?

Kenny: I just got a brand new Armani suit - doesn't fit me anymore. You want it?

Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I don't know if I...

Kenny: Oh, come on. Why should it just sit in the closet?

Elaine Benes: An Armani suit?

George Costanza: Take the suit!

Jerry Seinfeld: Well... okay, I guess...

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Kramer: All right, ooh, look at that Armani, huh? Yeah.

[Jerry takes the jacket off and throws it onto the table]

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, that's a deal. That's a horrible deal. I don't want to go out to dinner with him. I'd rather make my own suit.

George Costanza: [entering Jerry's apartment] I did it! It's all done!

Jerry Seinfeld: Hey!

[raises hands into "fists of encouragement"]

George Costanza: I did it. Hunh. We're going out as soon as she gets off of work and it'll still be daytime. You know I, I'm much better in the daytime than I am at night. It's less pressure.

Jerry Seinfeld: I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

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Kramer: And I got a date with that waitress that works at Reggie's.

Jerry Seinfeld: [thinking of George's date with waitress Kelly] Boy, if I could meet a hostess, we could open up our own place.

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Kenny: You know, I was thinking, if you're not busy, maybe I could get my meal today?

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, you wanna get that meal, don't you?

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Jerry Seinfeld: [answering the phone] Hello? No, I'm sorry, Bania. I'm not going over this again. Well, who told you to order soup?... No! There's no dinner. There's not going to be any dinner. You've had a sandwich and two bowls of soup and that's it. Good-bye.

[He hangs up the phone and turns to Simon]

Jerry Seinfeld: Hey, what size suit are you?

Simon: 40.

Jerry Seinfeld: 40. Perfect. Brand-new Armani suit, you want it?

Simon: Absolutely!

Jerry Seinfeld: Great, it's yours. I can't stand the sight of it. Elaine, here's the car keys.

Elaine Benes: Thanks.

[the telephone rings again]

Jerry Seinfeld: Yo?

Kenny: Listen, Jerry, I've been doing some thinking. I want my suit back.

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[In Central Park, George is taking a walk with Kelly, whom he believes to be single]

Kelly: I'm just doing this waitress thing for a while, because I wanted to go to Europe this summer and I could use a few extra... Careful.

[She points to the ground, so that George will see the fresh horse manure and avoid stepping in it]

George Costanza: Oh. It's just horse manure. Horse manure's not that bad. I don't even mind the word 'manure.' You know, it's, it's 'newer,' which is good. And a 'ma' in front of it. MA-NURE. When you consider the other choices, 'manure' is actually pretty refreshing.

Kelly: That's a nice watch, George.

George Costanza: Yeah.

Kelly: You know, my boyfriend has the same one.

George Costanza: [She has a boyfriend?] Huh. Really?

Kelly: Yeah, he loves watches. He's a real watch freak.

George Costanza: Well, how about that?

Kelly: Ooh, look out. You stepped right in it.

George Costanza: Yes, I sure did.

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