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"Seinfeld" The Marine Biologist (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Quotes

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[last lines]

George: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

Kramer: Well, what did you do next?

George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me, but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.

George: [reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]

Kramer: What is that, a Titleist?

[George Nods]

Kramer: A hole in one, huh?

Jerry: Well, the crowd most have gone wild!

George: Oh yes they did Jerry they were all over me. It was like Rocky 1. Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful. It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not a marine biologist!

Jerry: Wow! What'd she say?

George: She told me to "Go to hell!" and I took the bus home.

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Elaine Benes: [Talking with Lippman and Testikow in the limo about War and Peace] Although one wonders if "War and Peace" would have been as highly acclaimed as it was if it was published under it's original name "War: What Is It Good For?"

Lippman: What?

Elaine Benes: Yes. Mr. Lippman. It was his mistress who insisted he called it "War and Peace." "War - What Is It Good For"

[singing]

Elaine Benes: Absolutely nothin'!

[Speaking to Testikov]

Elaine Benes: The song got that line got from Tolstoy.

Lippman: I'm sorry. It's just her sense of humor.

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Jerry: [after Elaine mentions Tolstoy] Hey, you know what? I read the most unbelievable thing about Tolstoy the other day. Did you know the original title for "War and Peace" was "War - What Is It Good For?"

Elaine Benes: Ha, ha.

Jerry: No, no. I'm not kidding, Elaine. It's true. His mistress didn't like the title and insisted him change it to "War and Peace".

Elaine Benes: But it's a line from that song.

Jerry: That's were they got it from.

Elaine Benes: Really?

Jerry: I'm not joking.

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Jerry: [Opening scene: In Jerry's apartment, Jerry is at the table and Elaine is on the phone] Elaine, see this t-shirts. Six years I've had this t-shirt. It's my best one. I call it... Golden Boy.

Elaine Benes: I'm on the phone here.

Jerry: Golden Boy is always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry. Here, touch Golden Boy!

Elaine Benes: No thanks.

[to the phone]

Elaine Benes: Yeah, Yeah I'll hold.

Jerry: But, see. Look at the collar. See it's fraying. Golden Boy is slowly dying. Each wash is brings him one step closer. That's what makes the t-shirt such a tragic figure.

Elaine Benes: Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with some Woolite?

Jerry: No! The reason he's iron man is because he goes out there and plays every game. Wash! Spin! Rinse! Spin! You take that away from him, you break his spirit!

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Elaine Benes: [Closing scene as they leave the restaurant] Are you in a bad mood?

Jerry: No, I just got my laundry back.

Elaine Benes: Ohhh. Golden Boy?

Jerry: He didn't make it.

Elaine Benes: I'm sorry.

Jerry: This is Golden Boy's son, Baby Blue.

[Elaine rolls her eyes]

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