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"Roseanne" The Wedding (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

Darlene Conner-Healy: I need to walk down the aisle, are you ready to give me away?

Dan Conner: No I'm not.

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Roseanne Conner: You know, Darlene, there are going to be times when you're sitting across from David wondering 'why the hell did I marry this man?', and then it'll snow and he'll put chains on your tires, and then you'll remember why.

Darlene Conner-Healy: [laughs] No, David's not allowed anywhere near my car.

Roseanne Conner: Already talking like a wife, I'm proud of you.

Darlene Conner-Healy: Yeah, and soon I'm gonna start sounding like a mom.

[mockingly]

Darlene Conner-Healy: 'Eating salads, just sitting around with the girls talking about sore nipples and waiting for the Prozac to kick in'.

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Roseanne Conner: [putting flowers in Darlene's hair] Just enough to make you smell good but not enough to attract the bees.

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Beverly Harris: When I wore that wedding dress, I had to take it in 10 inches.

Nana Mary: Yeah, around the boobs.

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Nana Mary: Who stole my pants?

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Beverly Harris: Why did it have to be an outdoor hippie wedding?

Dan Conner: Because the moon's in the 7th house?

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Dan Conner: Everybody always thinks there's plenty of time, believe me, there isn't.

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Scott: Now this is nice, why didn't we have an outdoors wedding?

Leon Carp: Snipers.

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Scott: If I'd known we'd be sitting on these hard wooden benches, I would not have worn this thong.

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Darlene Conner-Healy: David and I aren't going to miss out on anything, we're still young enough that we have plenty of time to...

Dan Conner: Oh no you don't, believe me, that's what your mom and I thought too.

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Darlene Conner-Healy: [comes out of the bathroom in her wedding dress, to the women] I've got two sticks of dynamite under this dress, the first chuckle takes us all out.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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