Davy: What do the young people do in this town for excitement?
Mary Friar: They move to the big city.
Mike: Oh, and now we're gonna get a rash of small town jokes.
Mary Friar: Oh, no, it's usually quite exciting. Last year we found a mole... in the lawn.
Mike: [to Davy, before a duel] Take the sword and defend your honor and the manor, in that order.
Mr. Friar: Davy me lad, I've been asking for you up and down the beach. What's a long haired weirdo?
Micky: It's a local fish. You catch it with a sharp stick.
Mike: You better cool it, man, this guy is denting our couch.
Peter: [packing Davy's suitcase] Gee, Davy, I wish we could all go to England with you, man.
Micky: Boy, that'd be a great idea, if we could all make the trip together.
Mike: Are you kidding me, man, we don't have the money to go down to corner for gum.
Davy: Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't think you're fooling us guys, we know who you are, you're Jack Williams the property man on this show.
Customs Man: Look, sweety, I may be Jack Williams the property man to you, but to twenty million teenagers, I'm the customs man.
[steps away from Jack to face the camera]
Davy: You know, he really is Jack Williams.
Customs Man: Upon closing, folks I wanna thank aunt Pat for sending in those peach preserves. Just keep those letters and cards coming in...
Customs Man: Everybody loves somebody sometime...
Mr. Friar: Mary, eh, this is Davy, the new lord of the mannor, and his friends, Pisces, Aquarius and Capricorn.
Mary Friar: Oh! A sister act
Davy: [voice over] A midieval fair, that's like a love-in.
Mike: Now look, you'll be just fine, as long as you remember everything that I tought you.
Davy: But you didn't teach me anything!
Mike: Well, then fake it!
Sir Twiggley Topper Middle Bottom: Very well, you won by a pun. But I'll get you in the next contest.
Lance Kibbee, The Sot: [the crowd is booing Sir Twiggley Topper Middle Bottom] Booze! I'll drink to that!
Mary Friar: Yes, and anything else that comes along!
Mike: Oh! Hello there! Well, that wraps up another half-hour of hilarious situation comedy of The Fantastic Four: Daby, Peekel, Micky and Perkal, Mycontchek...
Mike: us! And we'll be back next week with more riotous fun laughters and hilarious bits of antics and humor...
Peter: Hey Mike, can I say something?
Mike: [thinks about it for a moment] Yeah, ok, go ahead.
Peter: I just wanted to give our viewers, and listeners who's been so nice to us, I wanted to give them our Christmas message which is all about peace and love
Mike: Now wait a, hold it. You can- Man, come on, it's the middle of Februari, you can't give them a Chirstmas message now.
Peter: Well, why not?
Mike: Why not? Well because you just, you don't well uh, oh...
[stumped for words]