Griff: Al, if I don't make it, would you look up my ex-wife and...
Al: Tell her that you love her?
Griff: No. Tell her she's a bitch!
Griff: Well Al, I think it's time we hit the hay.
Al: Go to sleep? It's only nine o'clock. What are you? Old?
Al: [beat] Me too.
Griff: Oww! This bunk mattress is hard, and this pillow is all lumpy.
Al: At least it doesn't have red hair and begs for sex.
Drill Instructor: Am I disturbing you, private?
Al: It's Al Bundy.
Drill Instructor: Al Bundy, "sir"!
Al: Well... nobody's called me sir in a long, long time.
Drill Instructor: [shouting] How about moron? They've called you that haven't they?
Al: Sir, yes, sir!
Drill Instructor: Al Bundy, ladies shoe salesman. Well, High Heels, you're in the reserve now. You're not in some candy-ass mall.
Al: You haven't seen my customers. Every day it's the battle of the bulge, sir!
Drill Instructor: Drop and give me 50, mall scum!
Al: I don't have a 50-dollar bill. All I got is this five.
Kelly: Oh, no, Daddy's going away again? Now, this time he's joined the Post Office.
Al: Don't worry, pumpkin, Daddy's not going to any place as dangerous as that.
Bud: Kel, I thought you of all people would recognize a man in a military uniform.
Kelly: This is what they look like ON? Oh my God. That's so cute.
Al: Honey, you shouldn't say things like that to Daddy after he's just been trained to use a gun.