Vicky: Excuse me, sir. Are you straight?
Al Bundy: The hairs on my chest are.
Vicky: Good, maybe you can help me. If you were my boyfriend, would you like this?
[opens curtains to show Al her lingerie. Al is speechless]
Vicky: Will he like it?
Vicky: Or do you think he'd like it better without the bra? Like this...
[takes off bra. Al faints]
Vicky: Yep, without the bra.
Al: [watches the hot store clerk walk away] Yeah, let's see the Japanese build a better one of those!
Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: What if men had breasts?
Al Bundy: Then we wouldn't need women anymore.
Peggy Bundy: And if you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.
Al Bundy: That's what happened to my Diehard!
Al Bundy: I'd like a bra for my wife, who's a woman... sort of.
Muffy: Well, what's her cup size? Is she my size?
[Al stares at Muffy's bust, blankly]
Al Bundy: Oh, I'm sorry. I was sweating in my eye. My wife... her cup size is like...
[Al walks over to another female customer with a large bust and puts his hands on both her breasts]
Al Bundy: She's just like this. Do you agree with me, Steve?
Steve Rhoades: [embarrassed] I'm not speaking to you, Al.
Peaches: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where they keep the bun sparkle?
Al Bundy: I believe they keep it in the produce department.
Al Bundy: Hey, Pops. How they hangin'?
Pops: Not too bad, son. Not too bad. I see you ordered the Fancy Figure 327. Solid bra. A bra with it's feet on the ground. A real man's bra.
[both Al and Pops the owner look over at a gay man trying on cosmetics and trying on a beauty contestant crown]
Al Bundy: Ah, will you look at that? And they wonder why we call them queens.
Pops: Yeah... they ought to be a law.
Muffy: [off-screen] Pops! Phone! It's your wife.
Pops: [to Al] My wife: nag, nag, nag! Sheetz!
[Al laughs as Pops walks around the desk to the back... revealing that he's not wearing slacks, but women's stockings and garter belts! Al jumps, looking hilariously shocked and disgusted]
Al Bundy: [voice-over after Al and Peg go upstairs to 'do it'] Peg, who's the cop with his pants on backwards?
[Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store]
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it, I knew it...
Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: I don't know why we even need bras.
Al Bundy: Oh, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat.