Arthur: This is Scotch whiskey; Glenlivet; single malt.
Arthur: When you die, you'll go to heaven. You say "Hello" to God, and when God says "Hello" to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath.
Beverly Barnes: Artie, Artie... I'm gonna kick somebody's ass, I swear it!
Arthur: Profanity, Beverly, I love it!
Arthur: Hey Larry! This is Arthur. I'm sitting here with my good buddy Nicolae and I'm leaving this message in your voice mail. It's 3:15 AM and I'll level with you. I'm furious at you, buddy. I uh... I'm gonna resist the urge to express my anger by using profanity and I hope you appreciate that, you...
Nicolae: Scum sucking asshole!
Ryan O'Neal: And don't call me white bread. That's what Farrah calls me.
Ryan O'Neal: Artie, how long we've known each other? 20 Years? And this is the bullshit I get?
Arthur: Makes you feel to better to hit me, go ahead.
Ryan O'Neal: Shut up.
Arthur: You know you want to.
Ryan O'Neal: I'm not hitting anymore.
Phil: You've got to talk to Larry. He won't wear the hat for the sketch.
Arthur: Do you like history, Phil?
Phil: What does that mean?
Arthur: Because if Larry doesn't want to wear the hat that's what it becomes, dig?
Phil: Listen, if he doesn't wear the hat then the sketch is going to die. He's supposed to be Gorton's Fisherman, without the hat he's just a guy with yellow slicker.
Arthur: Makes me laugh.
Phil: What makes you laugh, the sketch?
Arthur: The word 'slicker'. Makes me chuckle. Say again.
Arthur: Use it in a sentence.
Phil: I like my slicker.