L.A. Law (TV Series)

Brackman Vasektimized (1987)

Corbin Bernsen: Arnie Becker

Quotes 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Wellman vs. Chernov?

  Arnie Becker : The perquisites that partnership implies, I thought I might turn this little beauty over to one of our two new associates.

  Jonathan Rollins : A trial?

  Arnie Becker : Definitely.

  Jonathan Rollins : Then I want it.

  Leslie Kleinberg : Then I want it.

  Arnie Becker : Listen to the facts first. Our client Bruce Wellman, 34, was driving his classic Aston Martin, the love of his life. The only thing he really wanted me to try and save during his rather ugly divorce. It's raining hard. It skids off on to the soft shoulder of an isolated road up in Latigo Cannon. Car sits balanced precariously on a cliff while Bruce sits in the car, too scared to move. Finally, a miracle, someone drives by. Even more miraculously, actually stops to help. A 23-year-old short order cook named George Chernov. Well, Bruce tells him to go down to the Pacific Coast Highway, and call the CHP for help, but by now it's raining pretty hard and George thinks it's a little too dangerous to leave Bruce perched there on the cliff. So, George opens the door. Holding his breath, cautiously, ever so cautiously, pulls him to safety. They both breathe a huge sigh of relief. Only unfortunately, with Bruce out, the car rolls down the cliff.

  Jonathan Rollins : Our client is suing the guy that saved his life?

  Arnie Becker : Right. For murdering his car.

  Leslie Kleinberg : What about insurance?

  Arnie Becker : Well, Bruce says they won't value classic cars. Besides, the real bottom-line, he wants revenge.

  Jonathan Rollins : Excuse me, but with all due respect. Why have we taken this case?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Bruce Wellman is the son of Ross Wellman, one of our biggest corporate clients.

  Arnie Becker : Miss Kleinberg, your call?

  [Arnie tosses a coin in the air] 

  Leslie Kleinberg : Heads.

  Arnie Becker : Tails. Jonathan, you're either free to take this turkey or you can fob it off on to Miss Kleinberg.

  [Jonathan passes the file to Leslie Kleinberg]