Adam: Well, nice work, Jane.
[he leaves, Helen looks at Joan]
Joan: He calls me Jane sometimes when he forgets that my name is Joan.
Joan: So, my true nature is to be a catalyst? That is mad anti-climatic.
Electrician God: Anti climactic. Anti-climatic means you're against the weather.
Electrician God: Are you looking for me?
Joan: Um, I'm not sure.
Electrician God: 'Cause when you're alone, that hideous Titanic song makes you cry.
Joan: Why do you have to be so mean?
Electrician God: Why do you have to keep questioning me? Most people would be on their best behavior.
Joan: Okay, look, whatever. I was thinking about what you said when I asked you to cure Kevin. How it would show favoritism and that I'm an instrument of God. Then I realized, you want me to become a scientist, so I can discover a cure for Kevin.
Electrician God: Newsflash, Joan: you don't need to let me in on your thinking process, I'm omniscient.
Linesman God: Stop underachieving. Stop squandering the potential I gave you. Have some pride.
Joan: What about humility?
Linesman God: Humility isn't actually humility unless there's something you're good enough at to be humble about.
[the previous night God had appeared on TV and Joan's father turned off the TV]
Linesman God: Hey kid, it's me. You need proof? Fine. Sometimes you like to practice french kissing yourself in the mirror.
Joan: Why do you have to be so mean? Look, that was my Dad who turned you off last night, so if there's some kind of penalty, then I think...
Linesman God: Fine. He shall spend all of eternity burning in hell.
Joan: No, no, no, no, my dad's a really great guy.
Linesman God: I'm kidding. There's no penalty for turning me off. Hey, just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen.
Gavin Price: [walking Adam out of his office] First thing every morning you report to me, got it?
Gavin Price: I may not be able to stop you from getting high away from school, but you are mine between 8 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon.
Adam: OK, Mr. Price.
Gavin Price: If I even suspect that you are under the influence of drugs, what will happen?
Adam: You'll urine-test me.
Gavin Price: For your own good.
Adam: And call the cops.
Gavin Price: Mm-hm.
Adam: Ruin my life.
Gavin Price: All for your own good.
Luke: [about the one nice thing he did that day] I didn't laugh when Joan was introduced to my AP chem class.
Little Girl God: You'd like to give me a slap, wouldn't you?
Joan: Yeah... but you're so cute.
Little Girl God: By the way, as an instrument of Me, have some pride. Do better. Do your best.
Joan: Now I'd like to slap you.
Joan: ...Oh, God.
Electrician God: Yes?
Joan: No, I was taking your name in vain, to be technical. Sorry.
Joan: Don't you have any friends that you could walk to school with?
Luke: Don't worry, they'll think I'm cool stylin' with my big sister. Oh, wait, you're worried that one of your friends will see us together... Oh, wait a minute, you don't have any friends.
Joan: And ironically you're still cramping my style.