Dennis Day: Everyone's afraid of my mother. When I was born, the stork left me a block away from my house. Good thing I knew the address.
[crawling through a horde of women shoppers]
Jack Benny: Christmas shopping gets worse every year
Wallet Salesman: [groaning] Oh *why* did the governor have to give me that pardon?
Jack Benny: What did I get you for Christmas last year?
Rochester Van Jones: A brand new dollar bill.
Jack Benny: Oh yes.
Rochester Van Jones: And a lecture on the evils of wine, women and song.
Jack Benny: Oh yes, well that was just a joke.
Rochester Van Jones: I wish you'd told me, I cried all night.