It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
The Gang Gets Racist (2005)
Dee Reynolds: I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio - which is really weird because I've never been to Ohio. And this guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out of...
Dennis Reynolds: [interrupting her] You know what Dee, I don't want to hear about your dream, okay? I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them, and nobody's having sex, I just... don't care.
Dennis Reynolds: [alarm goes off, notices someone in bed with him] Hello.
[lifts up blanket to see body]
Dennis Reynolds: Nice. Beautiful.
[rolls over onto person]
Boy: [waking up] Hello, lover.
Dennis Reynolds: Whoa! What the hell's going on?
Boy: You've got nothing to be ashamed of.
Dennis Reynolds: We didn't have sex, did we?
Boy: No, don't be silly. It was all hands.
Large Man in Towel: [emerges from bathroom] How's that ass feel?
[smacks Dennis' ass]
Terrell: Nothing scares gays and black folks like Irish crap.
[the waitress overhears Charlie saying something racist]
Waitress: Coffee, Hitler? I'll be sure to put lots of cream in that for you.
Charlie Kelly: No, I'm not Adolf Hitler.
Mac: Look, everybody! Sweet Dee's here!
Dee Reynolds: Hey, everybody!
Charlie Kelly: Whoa, whoa! What are you doing here?
Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, whoa, what is going on here? You guys know each other?
Charlie Kelly: Yeah, that's the crazy bitch that punched me in my eye!
Terrell: Charlie! That's my sister!
Mac: Now, just to clarify, when you say sister, you mean...
Terrell: I mean my sister.
Mac: Yeah! Okay! This is great because earlier, you were implying that I was racist because you thought that I was implying that all black people are related, and then it turns out that you people actually are!
Mac: "Looking for a new hotspot to spot that stud? Well, Paddy's Irish Pub will plug that hole."
Charlie Kelly: Well, that's a good notice.
Mac: No, that is not a good notice. I don't want to be plugging anyone's holes.
Charlie Kelly: Domino, biatch!
Handsome Guy: You have the most beautiful eyes.
Dennis Reynolds: Okay, man, but I don't... really?
Handsome Guy: So blue.
Dennis Reynolds: Well, actually more of a blue-green.
Mac: [to Sweet Dee and Charlie] Are you two seeing this?
[all look over at Dennis]
Dennis Reynolds: [gayly] ... boys are out tonight, huh?
Mac: This is unbelievable. What the hell is going on here? You got black women crawling all over you, and this Mary over here is the belle of the ball. Why do these people like you guys so much?
Charlie Kelly: Well dude, it's not that they like us, it's that they don't like you. You know why? Uhh... because you're an asshole!
Charlie Kelly: Dude, it's not so much that they don't like us, it's that they don't like you. You know why? 'Cause you're an asshole!
Mac: [to Dee] Is that true?
Dee Reynolds: ...Yeah, kinda.
[Dee and Dennis are behind the bar]
Handsome Guy: No, we're waiting for the cute one.
Dee Reynolds: What cute one?
Mac: We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all...
Mac: Oh, and hookups are good. But just to be clear... when you say your "sista," do you mean your sister or your friend?