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"The IT Crowd" Yesterday's Jam (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

Roy: [answers phone] Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Ugh, OK, well the button on the side, is it glowing?... Yeah, you need to turn it on. Erm, the button turns it on. Yeah, you... you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.

Moss: [answers other phone] Hello, IT. Yeah-ha. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?

Roy: [still on phone] No, there you go. No, there you go. I just heard it come on. No no, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry are you from the past?

Moss: [still on phone] See. the driver hooks the function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory... Hello?

[puts phone down]

Roy: [still on phone] Oh really? Really? Well, why don't you come down here and make me, then? What? You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you!

[hangs up phone]

Roy: That told her.

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Moss: Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?

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[repeated line]

Roy: [whenever he answers the phone] Hello. IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

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Jen: Hang on, guys.

[Typing on computer]

Jen: How can I help?

Roy: Well, we were just wondering now that you're 'the boss', would you like us to access the data supply and connect you up to the matrix?

Jen: [pause] You just made all that up.

Roy: [shouting] You don't know anything about computers! Admit it!

Jen: Would you stop trying to undermine me? Now get in there and do some work to do with computers! I'll be in there in a minute to check up on you!

[Moss goes under her desk]

Roy: OK, lady! You've won this round! But we can wait. You will slip up one day. And believe you me, we will be there when you do. There will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers!

Jen: [to Moss] What are you doing?

Moss: Plugging in your computer.

Roy: [Not realising Moss has found Jen's computer unplugged] It might be something you say, or something you do, but when we notice it - and believe me, we will notice it - it's gonna be a long way down for you, sweetcheeks!

[Leaves Jen's office]

Moss: He'll realise in a second.

Roy: [Runs back into Jen's office and screams with delight] . Aaahhh!

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Moss: I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation.

Roy: Really?

Moss: Yes. She's a little bit weird, to say the least.

[sprays his ear with a small aerosol attached to his belt]

Roy: What's that?

Moss: Oh, it's just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear, and this helps cool it down. She is quite the oddball.

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Roy: [posh accent] Yes, I believe it was Tolstoy who said... Oh, it appears we have a visitor. I'm sorry, myself and Maurice were engaged in quite a serious discussion about books and such. We didn't hear you come in.

Moss: Wait a second. You said it was Tolstoy who said what?

Roy: Oh, never mind that now, Maurice.

Moss: When have you read Tolstoy?

Roy: Shut up, Maurice

Moss: Why are you speaking in that weird voice? When did...? I don't remember this conversation AT ALL.

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Roy: OK, so here's the plan.

Moss: A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.

[puts on slightly larger glasses]

Moss: OK, hit me.

Roy: OK, we go in.

Moss: When?

Roy: You know, like, in a minute.

Moss: Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?

Roy: Yeah, you know what? I shouldn't have used the word "plan". I've clearly gotten you overexcited.

Moss: Would scheme be a better word? Although that's just as exciting. I might even need these

[puts on even larger glasses]

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Denholm: [answers phone] Hello? What? Well if you can't work as a team you're all fired. That's it, you heard me, fired! Get your things and go.

[redials phone]

Denholm: Hello, security? Everyone on floor 4 is fired. Escort them from the premises. And do it as a team. Remember, you're a team and if you can't act as a team, you're fired too.

[redials phone]

Denholm: Dom, get on to recruitment. Get them to look for a security team that can work as a team. They may have to escort the current security team from the building for not acting like a team.

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Denholm: Team! Team, team, team, team, team. I even love saying the word 'team'. You probably think this is a picture of my family? No! It's a picture of The A-Team. Bodie, Doyle, Tiger, the Jewellery Man.

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Moss: [picks up phone] Hello, IT? Yah-hah? Have you tried forcing an expected reboot? You see the driver hooks the function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory.

[laughs]

Moss: Hello?

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Roy: [On the phone] Oh really? Why don't you come down here and make me that? Huh? Do you think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you! You can come down here anytime and I'll be waiting for ya!

[Hangs up phone]

Roy: I told her!

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Moss: [On the phone] Hello, IT. Ya ha? Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?

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Jen: Unisex toilets? You have unisex toiletts. Like Ally McBeal.

[Goes into toilet room. Sees a couple making out, rushes out again]

Denholm: That's the sort of place this is, Jen. A lot of sexy people, not doing much work and having affairs!

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Roy: Oh God, it's about time you got back. It's been all go.

Moss: You had a job?

Roy: Girl of fifth.

Moss: Did you and her hit it off?

Roy: Define "hit if off".

Moss: Did she continue talking to you once you fixed her computer?

Roy: No. And while I was working on it she rested a cup on my back.

Moss: No!

Roy: Yeah!

[Turns around and shows stains of coffee cup on his back]

Moss: Unbelievable!

Roy: Yeah, I mean they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them!

Moss: Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them.

Roy: It's like they're pally-wally when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed...

Moss: ...they toss us away like yesterday's jam!

Roy: Yes! Yesterday's jam! That's what we are to them.

[Phone rings, Roy picks it up, but before answering he tells Moss]

Roy: Actually, you know, that doesn't really work, as a thing, because jam lasts for ages.

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Roy: I mean, they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them!

Moss: Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them.

Roy: It's like they're pally-wally with us when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed...

Moss: They just toss us away like yesterday's jam.

Roy: Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them!... Actually, that doesn't work, as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages.

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Denholm: Team! Team, team, team, team, team! I even love saying the word "team"! You probably think that's a picture of my family. Uh uh. It's the A-Team!

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Denholm: I hope this doesn't embarrass you, Jen, but I findd the best thing to do with a new employee is to size them up with a long, hard stare...

[stares at her for about 20 seconds]

Denholm: ... so!

Jen: So?

Denholm: First day?

Jen: Yes.

Denholm: Scary.

Jen: Yes...

Denholm: Don't be scared!

Jen: Well, I'm not really scared.

Denholm: You should be!

Jen: Well, I'm a little bit scared!

Denholm: Don't be!

Jen: Make up your mind!

Denholm: [laughs shortly] So here you are.

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Moss: But Roy you've got a headwound that... HEADWOUND!

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Moss: Chairman Wow! You just diffused that entire situation!

Jen: What situation? Oh oh oh that yeah. Oh my god, does that happen alot?

Moss: They're fairly regular the beatings, yes. I'd say we're on a Bi-weekly beating

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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