- Col. Wilhelm Klink: [at the rehearsal of the wedding Hilda dressed as the bride] I do not recall giving permission to Fraulein Hilda to be part of this.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: You can kiss the bride.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, what do you want, Hogan?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just wanted to give you the overnight reaction of the critics, sir. On the performance.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, they all loved the girl, and the boy. They split about half and half on the mother and father.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: And... me?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Sorry, sir. Too German looking.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Yeah, that's the one trouble with a big wedding. The details can drive you crazy.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Kommandant, you have had stage experience, haven't you?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Of course, of course.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: What was your last part?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Peter Pan.