Sophia: [Sophia is in bed between Stan and Dorothy] Think of me as the Berlin Wall, Stan. Try to climb over me and you'll find out what barbed wire between your legs feels like!
[in an odd situation, Sophia's brother Angelo is visiting, Rose and Blanche are dressed as nuns, and Dorothy and Stan are pretending to be married]
Rose: I'm Sister Rose!
Blanche: And I'm Sister Blanche. We're... uh, going...
[looks at panties in her hands]
Blanche: ...door to door collecting lingerie for... needy sexy people.
Stan: [Stan comes in] I just saw on TV that there's a big hurricane on the way to Miami, and the airports are closed!
Blanche: Aw, *Jesus*!
Blanche: ...protect us, in this time of great need.
Uncle Angelo: [Explaining why he's not a priest] Picture it, Sicily, 1914. I promise our dear sainted mother on her death bed I'm gonna join the priesthood. On my way to the seminary in Palermo I stop off at a local trattoria for a glass of Chianti. The waitress bring drink to the table, is a vision, luscious lips, full bosom, and a behind so round, so firm, you've got to fall down on your knees and cry out at its magnificent regal beauty.
Uncle Angelo: I'm a butt man.
Uncle Angelo: Anyway, my devotion to G-d doesn't waiver, but suddenly the idea of living with a bunch of guys in itchy robes doesn't seem quite as appealing as that tokhes. So, I tear up my priest application, ask Filomena to marry me, and we live the next 72 years in wedded bliss.