Chief: Max, if you don't do as I say, you're fired.
Maxwell Smart: That's an idle threat, Chief. You'd never fire me.
Chief: Oh no? What makes you so sure I wouldn't?
Maxwell Smart: Because according to seniority, if I get fired from Control, Larabee moves up.
Maxwell Smart: Well, let's look on the bright side of things, Chief: it's a good thing that he gave me the list before he disappeared, rather than after he disappeared.
Chief: Just what kind of reasoning is that? How could he possibly have given you the list after his disappearance? He could have only have given it to you before his disappearance.
Maxwell Smart: Oh yeah? How about during his disappearance?
Chief: Take that tree
[the Maricoba Carnivorae - man-eating tree]
Chief: and get it down to headquarters.
Larabee: Right Chief. Where would you like me to put it?
Chief: Right next to your desk
Chief: Why would you serve a German white wine with Italian food? They don't go together.
Larabee: Well, it was bottled in 1943.
Chief: What has that got to do with it?
Larabee: They went together then.
Maxwell Smart: [on garden hose phone] He was a little suspicious at first, until I gave him cover story 3MB. He fell for it completely.
Chief: [on other end of the hose] Fine, good luck, Max.
[connection is broken]
Chief: 3MB? We haven't used that since Pearl Harbor.
Algernon DeGrasse: [aiming a gun at Max & 99] That's a very interesting picture of you in the Control file, Mr. Smart.
Maxwell Smart: Thank you.
Algernon DeGrasse: But why were you sitting on a pony?
Agent 99: It was taken on his birthday.
Agent 99: [being shot at] Max, what's that?
Maxwell Smart: He's hitting the fertilizer bags above us.
Agent 99: What are you doing?
Maxwell Smart: I'm going to turn this fan on.
Agent 99: What good's that going to do, Max?
Maxwell Smart: Well, when the fertilizer hits the fan, it's going to blow all over the place and give us a chance to get away.
Agent 99: Good thinking, Max!