Futurama (TV Series)

A Clone of My Own (2000)

Kath Soucie: Cubert Farnsworth

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Also impossible

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner, which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : That's especially impossible.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Not at all. It's very simple.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Then explain it.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Now that's impossible! It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

  Bender : That's a complete load!

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium. It's all impossible.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew, if it can so be called. First of all, "Doctor" Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?

  Dr. Zoidberg : I lost it... in a volcano.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions]  And this is my Universal Translator. Unfortunately, so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : [into the translator's microphone]  Hello.

  Translator Machine : Bonjour!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Crazy gibberish!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

  Bender : No, we're not, you little bedwetter. Oops! I'm sorry.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : And why does our captain have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is depth perception.

  Leela : Why you little...

  [swings at Cubert and misses] 

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Ooh, that hurt... the air!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : And why do we need a bending robot around here, anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

  Bender : Uh, me no speak-a the English.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : Why do I have to be the hump?

  Fry : 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : What? You've never seen a genius's wiener before?

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : Look Professor. I may be identical to you in every possible way but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : You... wha?

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.

• Fry : Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

  Fry : Uh, wha?

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Wait a minute, that means I also take after you. Aaaah!

• Leela : Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old.

  Fry : I'm on it.

  [lifts up his pants and acts old and frail] 

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : My God, the illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot!

  Leela : Now they may ask for a DNA sample.

  Fry : [hikes up his pants higher]  I'd like to see them find it.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Thank you all for saving me. Especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life, I'm proud of you.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : I've already decided. Dad, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Don't worry, son, you will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Why?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh, no reason. No reason at all.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh, Cubert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : What is it? A competent employee? I doubt that very much.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : [Hiding on Fry's back]  Stupid robot.

  Robot Doorman #1 : Did your hump just say something?

  Fry : Uh... I've got Talking Hump Syndrome.

  Robot Doorman #1 : Ah, THS.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions]  This is my Universal Translator. It could have been my greatest invention, but it translates everything into an incomprehensible dead language

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : [into the translator's microphone]  Hello.

  Universal Translator : Bonjour!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : See? Lousy gibberish!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship across the universe. The ship stays in place and the engines move the universe around it.

  Bender : That's a complete load!

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : Your explanations are pure weapons grade balonium. It's all impossible.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

• Leela : If the Smellescope can pick up the Professor's odour, we may have a chance to save him.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : [Scoffs and snorts]  I think not. As you probably already DON'T know, odours are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space.

  [Bender electrocutes him and he screams] 

  Leela : I'm zeroing in on him.

  [Sniffs] 

  Leela : BENGAY... mothballs...

  [Sniffs again] 

  Leela : ... letters to the editor! It's the Professor!