- Joey Tribbiani: My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives.
- Phoebe Buffay: We have to celebrate. You know what we should do, we should do like a soap opera theme.
- Chandler: Hey yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.
- Phoebe Buffay: You actually don't see it?
- Rachel Green: What?
- Phoebe Buffay: Honey, you're dating Ross
- Rachel Green: No, Pheebs, I'm dating Russ
- Phoebe Buffay: Russ is Ross. Russ, Ross
- Rachel Green: Steve, Sleeve.
- Phoebe Buffay: Did you notice how he
- [fun Bobby]
- Phoebe Buffay: always starts his stories with um "Ok, I was so wasted" or "ooh, we were so bombed" or um "so I wake up and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut".
- Monica Geller: [reading a review] In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... continued on page 153... sucking.
- Chandler: The way I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. You know, i mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
- Chandler: Would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?
- Rachel Green: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?
- Chandler: Me.
- Rachel Green: Why would I have to sleep with you?
- Chandler: It's my game. You want the job or not?