Carlton: How dare you not take Will. He's full of potential!
Top Dog: That's why we want him. It's you we don't want.
Carlton: Me? But I did everything! I cooked, I cleaned, I hand-washed your toilets...
Top Dog: Everything your butler does for you. I'm not accepting no prep school, Bel-Air bred sellout into my fraternity.
Will: [stepping forward] Homie, you can stop all that...
Carlton: No, wait, Will. I got this one.
[turns back to Top Dog]
Carlton: You think I'm a sellout, why? Because I live in a big house or I dress a certain way? Or maybe it's because I like Barry Manilow.
Will: [to the crowd] Uh, he meant Barry White, y'all.
Carlton: Being black isn't what I'm trying to be, it's what I am. I'm running the same race and jumping the same hurdles you are, so why are you tripping me up? You said we need to stick together, but you don't even know what that means. If you ask me, you're the real sellout.
Philip Banks: You know, this... this really irritates me. I have worked very hard to give my family a good life and suddenly somebody tells me there's a penalty for success. I'm sorry you had to go through this, son. When are we gonna stop doing this to each other?
Ashley Banks: [to Vivian and Hilary] Listen to yourselves. You're caught up in the lives of make-believe characters. I'll tell you what, Mom, I'll watch the baby, go to a museum and take Hilary with you.
Vivian Banks: Ashley, the only reason we get involved in this kind of stuff is that real life sometimes is kind of boring.
[hears the sound of a motorcycle engine]
Vivian Banks: What's that?
Hilary Banks: Harley-Davidson '58 panhead.
[Ashley and Vivian look at her]
Hilary Banks: I used to date a biker.
Vivian Banks: [to Philip] Honey, you've also got an infant son who needs you in one piece.
Philip Banks: I don't see Dan's wife giving him any heat over this.
Vivian Banks: From what Helen tells me, she ain't giving him any heat anywhere else either.
Philip Banks: Oh, you women discuss that?
Vivian Banks: You'd be surprised what we talk about.
Will: Hey, Carlton. Do you realize that they're working you harder than everybody else?
Carlton: Nonsense. Everyone had to help re-tar the parking lot.
Will: Yeah, but the rest of us got to wear shoes.
Will: And in the words of my illustrious cousin: "We will make like a tree and leave."
Carlton: [to Will] Make like a tree and leave? I never say that. It's "make like a banana and split."
Top Dog: [to the pledges] I hope you like your new uniforms. You will be wearing them for a week.
Carlton: Excuse me, Mr. Top Dog, sir?
Top Dog: Pledge Banks, you only speak when you are spoken to. Well, are you speaking to me now or are you?
Carlton: I'm sorry, but I think everyone here will agree that wearing the same thing for a week is not good hygiene, right, fellas?
Top Dog: So Pledge Banks likes to wash clothes.
Carlton: Actually, my butler handles the laundry.
Top Dog: Your butler?
Carlton: Yes, Geoffrey. He's a whiz with my fine washables.
Top Dog: Pledge Banks, where are you from?
Carlton: Bel-Air. South Central Bel-Air. I live right across the street from the Aaron Spelling mansion. You know, the producer of "Beverly Hills, 90210"?
Top Dog: I don't watch it.
Carlton: You don't know what you're missing. Dylan's on the verge of getting back with Brenda.
Top Dog: [to Orlando about Carlton] What's up with that fool?
Top Dog: Who? Will's cousin. Brother from another planet.
Orlando: Come on now, Dog. You hardly know the guy.
Top Dog: I know all I need to know. I'm gonna teach him the true meaning of "hell week."
Top Dog: [to Will] Yo, homey, I'm not supposed to say anything but you have nothing to worry about. You're in.
Will: Yo, word. Me and Carlton got in?
Top Dog: Well, not exactly. I mean, you're cool and all, but Carlton... well, he's not exactly our type.
Will: Say what do you mean, "not our type"?
Top Dog: Well, Carlton is not like you and me. You know what I'm saying?
Will: No, I don't know what you're saying.
Top Dog: Will, Carlton doesn't exactly exemplify what I think a Phi Beta Gamma is.
Will: Oh, and what is that?
Top Dog: Well, it's not Ralph Lauren shirts, wingtip shoes and corporate America. We don't need a brother like him in this fraternity.
Will: Man, he is exactly what you need in this fraternity. I mean, Carlton has been a straight-A student since preschool. He gives you 150% every time.
Top Dog: Look, Will, I realize he's your cousin and you have to defend him, but this discussion is closed.