[Niles brings Daphne her profit from a stock tip he gave her]
Daphne : You have to help me decide what to do with it.
Niles : Well, you might want to consider letting Wendel re-invest it. That's what I'm doing. It's called "rolling it over."
Daphne : Then I'll do it. Oh, this is so exciting!
Frasier : What's all this?
Daphne : Well, your brother just gave me two hundred dollars, and now he's going to roll me over.
Frasier : Niles?
Niles : [embarrassed] Communications breakdown.
Frasier : Good.
[Niles has been giving Daphne phony stock payoffs to get hugs and kisses from her]
Niles : The first stock really did pay off, but then the rest all tanked. And what was I supposed to do? Tell that poor, working-class Venus I'd lost her life savings? I had to pay her back and if I threw in a little extra, well, where's the harm in that?
Frasier : Niles, you are giving a woman money in order to obtain physical affection! We are talking the world's oldest profession. Granted, this is sort of the Walt Disney version, but still. It's wrong, and I insist you stop it.
Niles : No. It's altruistic, it's noble, it's fun, and you can't make me stop.
Niles : Well, I hope you're happy!
Frasier : Snap out of it! What you were doing was completely dishonest.
Niles : Ooh, said the pot to the kettle!
Frasier : What does that mean?
Niles : I think you know what it means.
Frasier : Oh, don't be ridiculous! Our two situations are totally different.
Niles : Oh, really? How so?
Frasier : Well, for one thing, you've been misleading a woman for your own selfish gain.
Niles : And so are you!
Frasier : Well, I'm not finished. She was also trusting you to tell the truth!
Niles : Oh, and the difference would be?
Frasier : Your woman is English!
Niles : Frasier, you've lost this one.
Frasier : I know, I know. It's just going to take a little while to climb down off of this particular high horse.
Niles : Frankly, I find it laughable that you're even considering putting your name on five-hundred-thousand copies of this piffle. Not even piffle--it's piffle-lite.
Dr. Honey Snow : I have something I want to give you.
Frasier : Oh?
Dr. Honey Snow : It's a manuscript of my upcoming book.
Frasier : Oh. Another one? So soon?
Dr. Honey Snow : I hope you like it Frasier. Because if you do, I'd love for you to write the foreword.
Frasier : Me?
Niles : Who better?
Frasier : Well, actually there's so many other people that would be more qualified to write for such an important work.
Dr. Honey Snow : Well, if I didn't know better, I'd think you didn't want to do it.
Frasier : Oh, no, no, no, no. It's a great honor.
Daphne : I'll say. The last book had an introduction by Mickey Rooney.
Niles : I think you know what you have to do.
Frasier : Yes. I have to tell her I can't write the foreword. Oh, Niles, and I have to say goodbye to the chance of ever sleeping with absolute perfection. Oh, where oh, where will I ever have the chance again to gaze upon such extraordinary proud and supple breasts?
Niles : Not to worry brother, that's the manager's special at Farmer Jack's Chicken, Chicken, Chicken.
Daphne : I'm off to the Book Nook. Dr. Snow is signing copies of her new bestseller.
Martin Crane : Hey, wait a minute! You're going out? What about my whirlpool therapy?
Daphne : Oh, right. I forgot. Maybe you could go to the book signing for me, Dr. Crane. It's right around the corner from the station.
Frasier : I would sooner attend a hoedown.
Niles : I would gladly go, but I've got my compulsive spending seminar, and I'm hoping to unload the rest of these raffle tickets.