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"Frasier" You Can't Tell a Crook by His Cover (TV Episode 1994) Poster

Quotes

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Martin: [Frasier is trying to guess which one of Martin's poker buddies spent time in jail] Wow, Frasier, I may have underestimated you.

Frasier: Really?

Martin: Yeah. You're making a bigger jackass of yourself than I thought.

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Frasier: Don't you believe in second chances?

Martin: I did. Then we had Niles.

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Niles: Excuse me. Has a young woman been in here this evening approximately five foot nine and three quarters, with skin the colour of Devonshire cream and the sort of eyes that gaze directly into one's soul with neither artifice nor evasion?

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Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles, just sit down and relax, for God's sakes. You're being irrational.

Niles: Don't you *dare* call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy!

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Niles: I'm not without resources. My Tae Kwon Do instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening!

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Frasier: Niles, just listen to me for a second. You know perfectly well that she'll resent any interference. Now, you want to make a fool of yourself, go right ahead, but don't ask me to join you.

Niles: That's fine. Just tell me where they went.

Frasier: Someplace called the, uh, the Topaz Room.

Eric: The Topaz Room? I thought the cops shut that place down after the last shooting.

Frasier: I'll drive!

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Daphne Moon: [Frasier and Martin are arguing about Daphne's date with Jimmy] Excuse me, gentlemen, but might I interject one tiny little thought into this conversation?

Frasier: Of course, Daphne.

Daphne Moon: Belt up! Both of you! It may have escaped your notice, but I happen to be to a grown woman, and nobody has told me whom I might or might not date since I was schoolgirl, and I didn't listen then! Now, when I've quite made up my mind what I plan to do about Jimmy, I'll let you know. But right now, I'm going to my room. You two hens have wasted enough of my time.

[Daphne storms off]

Frasier: That would have been a very dramatic exit if only her room was down that hall.

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Niles: I'll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skim milk.

Frasier: I'll have the same.

Eric: Got it.

[to barista]

Eric: Two Gutless Wonders!

Niles: [to Frasier] Certainly playing fast and loose with his tips for a man who drives a van.

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Daphne Moon: Someone here is long overdue for a...

Martin: Hey! Don't you say that word.

Daphne Moon: What word?

Martin: B-A-T-H.

[Eddie runs away]

Frasier: When he yawns, it may smell like swamp gas, but his spelling's improving.

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Martin: [Daphne's embarrassing him in front of his poker buddies] Daph, don't you have a dog to go wash?

Daphne Moon: Oh yeah I suppose so. Of course it'd be easier if I could actually catch the thing.

[picks up a can of beer]

Daphne Moon: Maybe one of these will help.

Jimmy: Hey, beer's not good for dogs.

Daphne Moon: No, but it's super for me.

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