Frasier: Where are the Thomasons? Why is that dog still here?
Daphne: I'm sorry, Dr. Crane, but they struck me as unfit guardians.
Frasier: Oh for God's sake, he works at the zoo! She's a nurse, Billy's an altar boy and Kathy is a Campfire Girl!
Daphne: They had a dark aura.
Frasier: They had a ten-acre farm! If they'd taken me, I'd have gone with them!
Frasier: Niles, you have liver behind your ears.
Dr. Niles Crane: I imagine I must have picked up a cracker and inadvertently scratched behind my ear...
Frasier: You're saying you had a wad of cold meat behind your ears and you didn't feel it?
Dr. Niles Crane: That's the story I'm sticking with, yes.
Martin Crane: We used to think there had been some mix-up at the hospital. Of course when Niles came along that shot that theory all to hell.
Daphne: [with the box of puppies] I think I've found the perfect name for this one!
Frasier: Stop! Dogs only need names if you're going to call them to you, which we're not!
Daphne: Oh, couldn't we just keep them for a while?
Frasier: [with the box of puppies] No, no we don't want them taking after their father. It may be too late already...
[to the puppies]
Frasier: Oh for God's sake, stop staring at me!
Frasier: You know Dad, I've just developed a very interesting theory about you...
Martin Crane: [sarcastic] If I begged you, would you share it with me?
Frasier: Slowly, over the years, your responsibilities have been taken away from you, and you, well, you feel symbolically castrated.
Martin Crane: Oh, why does everything with you shrinks start in the crotch?
Daphne: [with the box of puppies] Oh, couldn't you just eat them up!
Frasier: For God sakes, don't love them! They'll think they're staying!
Frasier: Mrs. Greenway, there's no way Eddie could be the father - he's been neutered.
Mrs. Greenway: Well then, how do you explain these!
[hands Frasier a box of puppies]
Frasier: Oh my God! They're miniature Eddies!
Daphne: Oh, aren't they adorable!
Mrs. Greenway: I'm glad you think so, because they're yours!
Frasier: [to Eddie] Bad dog! Look what you've done!
Rita: I am about to lose my mind. I am raising four kids by myself. The oldest one is not even seven and the other three are all under five. Between cooking and cleaning and changing diapers and tripping over toys, I... I feel sometimes like I am about to snap. What should I do?
Frasier: Have you considered getting a puppy?
Dr. Niles Crane: Now Eddie, it's a routine operation. They say it's almost painless, although I can't imagine...
Frasier: You know, Niles, perhaps it's best we don't discuss the operation. We might spook him.
Dr. Niles Crane: Excuse me, are you saying he understands me?
Frasier: Well, he understands the word B - A - T - H. God knows how much English he's picked up.
Dr. Niles Crane: Fine. Tu tournes a droit.
Frasier: Ah, bon, bon. Je marcherai derriere lui...
Dr. Niles Crane: Mais, tu es celui qui va l'amener chez le medecin pour le... snip-snip.
Frasier: Ah, c'es vrais, mais... oh, what are we doing? Eddie, come here! This is ridiculous.