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"Frasier" Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice... (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Quotes

Frasier: Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man but in the mood I'm in, I could kick a kitten through an electric fan!

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Daphne Moon: This whole thing reminds me of when I first moved to London. And I was very mistrusting of people back then. I was convinced, the way to stay out of harms way was to walk the streets with me eyes cast down, never meeting anyone's glance. But, finally, I decided, that was no way to live. So, one day I just lifted up me chin and took it all in. Well, the change was amazing. There were sights I've never seen, sounds I've never heard. A tiny old man came up to me with a note in his hand. He needed help. I took his note, read it, and to this day I can remember just what I said to that man. "That's not how you spell fellatio."

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Frasier: You know, I have to tell you, Niles, I'm feeling rather good about this whole thing. Well, granted, I did lose my wallet and my favorite suit, but still, you know, mostly everything else was intact: my... my date book, my... my spare set of car keys, my fountain pen. But best of all, what has remained intact is my sense that people are basically trustworthy.

Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier, the person who has your car keys asked you to meet him here, knowing you'd bring your car?

Frasier: Now, now, before you launch into one of your little paranoid riffs, my car happens to be...

[Frasier turns around and looks out the window]

Frasier: ...moving down the street! Oh my god!

[Frasier and Niles run out of the cafe]

Frasier: Stop! Stop that well-dressed man!

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Dr. Niles Crane: [awkwardly making conversation with Roz] So... that's a nice jacket.

Roz Doyle: Thank you.

Dr. Niles Crane: It's offbeat.

Roz Doyle: And what is that supposed to mean, 'offbeat'?

Dr. Niles Crane: Well...

Roz Doyle: No, wait, I think I know exactly what it means. Offbeat as in cheap. Well, excuse me for not being rich enough to shop at the International House of Tight Ass like you and Maris the heiress! That is what you meant, right?

Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, but I had no idea you'd pick up on it!

Roz Doyle: Then you were insulting me.

Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, but you got in a couple of good shots yourself.

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Martin: This world would be a happier place if everybody would remember two little words: people stink.

Frasier: I'm sorry, but that's just a little cynical for me. I don't want to go through life thinking the worst of people. I prefer to think of them as basically good and decent.

[into the phone]

Frasier: Yes, I am here. But, you know, I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of a speech right now, so you'll have to hold.

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Dr. Niles Crane: Roz, are you trying to avoid me?

Roz Doyle: Well, can you blame me? I mean, it took you nearly a year just to learn my name and every time we sit together, you have some kind of snide remark to make.

Dr. Niles Crane: Name one.

Roz Doyle: Well, last week you told me my bedroom was easier to get into than a community college.

Dr. Niles Crane: I was hoping you'd name that one.

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Frasier: Oh, go ahead and laugh. It still doesn't shake my belief in the basic goodness of people.

Martin: But sure. He's probably using your car to deliver hot meals to shut-ins.

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Frasier: Do you realize what this means?

Roz Doyle: The guy who stole your stuff told her he was you.

Frasier: And it worked! She slept with him on the first date! Nobody ever sleeps with me on the first date!

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Frasier: What was it Shakespeare wrote? "He who steals my purse steals trash. But he who steals my good name steals..." well... oh, I forget the rest, but it makes me good and mad!

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