Firefly (TV Series)
Jaynestown (2002)
Quotes
Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River Tam: Fixing your Bible.
Book: I, um...
[alarmed]
Book: What?
River Tam: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense.
[she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages and torn out pages]
Book: No, no. You-you-you can't...
River Tam: So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem.
Book: Really?
River Tam: We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.
[rips out page]
Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.
Kaylee: Come on, admit it. It's true.
Simon: No, I won't, because it's not. I use swear-words, like anybody else.
Kaylee: Oh really? See, I never heard you. So when is it that you do all this cussin'? After I go to bed, or...
Simon: I swear... when it's appropriate
Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearin' is that it ain't appropriate.
[last lines]
Jayne: Don't make no sense. Wh-Why the hell'd that mudder have to go an do that for, Mal? Jumpin' in front a' that shotgun blast. Hell, there weren't a one of 'em understood what happened out there. They're probably stickin' that statue right back up.
Mal: Most like.
Jayne: I don't know why that eats at me so.
Mal: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another. Ain't about you, Jayne. It's about what they need.
Jayne: Don't make no sense.
Mal: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of 'em was one kinda sombitch or another.
Folk Singer: Jayne / The man they call Jayne / He robbed from the rich, and he gave to the poor / Stood up to The Man and he gave him what for / Our love for him now ain't hard to explain / The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne / Our Jayne saw the Mudders' backs breakin' / He saw the Mudders' lament / And he saw the Magistrate takin' every dollar, and leavin' five cents / So he said, "You can't do that to my people" / He said, "can't crush them under your heel" / Jayne strapped on his hat / And in five seconds flat / Stole everything Boss Higgins had to steal / He robbed from the rich, and he gave to the poor / Stood up to The Man and he gave him what for / Our love for him now ain't hard to explain / The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne / Now here is what separates heroes / From common folk like you and I / The man they call Jayne he turned 'round his plane / And let that money hit sky / He dropped it onto our houses / He dropped it into our yards / The man they call Jayne he stole away our pain / And headed out for the stars / He robbed from the rich, and he gave to the poor / Stood up to The Man and he gave him what for / Our love for him now ain't hard to explain / The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!
Zoë: Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash - pinch me, I must be dreamin'.
Jayne Cobb: Ah, hell, I'll pinch ya.
Dr. Simon Tam: My god. You're like a trained ape. *Without* the training.
Simon: [drunk] You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I - I re-attatched a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: [also drunk] Hamsters is nice.
Simon: To Jayne! The box dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
Jayne: [his speech to Jaynestown] Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-heel 'verse. But you took that end, and you - well, you took it. And that's - Well, I guess that's somethin'.
Jayne: Mmm. They call it Mudder's Milk. All the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus fifteen percent alcohol.
Wash: It's horrific!
Simon: Worked for the Egyptians.
Jayne: What's that?
Simon: The ancient Egyptians, back on Earth-That-Was. It's not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed to the slaves who built their pyramids. Liquid bread. Kept them from starving, and knocked them out at night, so they wouldn't be inclined to insurrection.
Kaylee: Wow, Simon. That's so... so historical.
Jayne: [to Simon] Tell me, Lil' Miss Big Words. You see a pyramid sittin' out there?
Simon: ...No.
Jayne: Neither do I. So here, let me pour you a big frosty mug of "shut-the-hell-up".
Jayne: Shake your head, boy. Your eyes are stuck.
River: I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into paper, but I wanna put them back, so...
[looking at the statue of Jayne]
Kaylee Frye: Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.
Jayne: Ah, hey! I got an idea. Instead'a us hangin' around playin' art critic 'til I get pitched by The Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?
Jayne: So the Magistrate, he let you folks keep all that cash?
Mudder: It pained him, that's for dead sure. When he found out, he sent his prods in to take it back from us. But the workers resisted.
Jayne: [proudly] Fought the law, did you?
Mudder: If the mudders are together on a thing, there's too many of us to put down. So in the end, he just called it a bonus.
Jayne: That's one hell of a bonus.
Mudder: And then when we put that statue of you up in town square, he rolled in, wanted to tear it down, but the whole town rioted.
Jayne: [shocked to the verge of tears] You guys had a riot? On account o' me? My very own riot?
Mudder: I can't believe you're back.
Jayne: [hugging the mudder and his girl] How could I stay away?
River: Just keep walkin', preacher man.
[to Inara]
Kaylee Frye: Bye now! Have good sex!
Jayne: [visibly moved] My very own riot?
Simon: My God! You're like a trained ape!... Without the training!
Magistrate Higgins: I brought you here to bed my son, not throw him a tea party.
Jayne: The living legend needs eggs!
Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.
