The Story on Page One

[Stewie is electronically controlling Chris and is waiting outside the hardware store while Chris goes inside]

Stewie Griffin: All right, now walk up to the counter.

[Chris does]

Stewie Griffin: That's it, ring the bell!

[he does]

Shopkeep: Well, hi there.

Stewie Griffin: Good day, shopkeep.

Chris Griffin: [parroting] Good day, shopkeep. I require a hand-operated buzzsaw capable of cutting through a human sternum.

Shopkeep: What?

Stewie Griffin: It's for a school project. I'm... some sort of student sent here for... oh, blast, what the devil do they study? Uh, Latin class!

Shopkeep: Uh, sorry, kid, I can't sell power tools to minors.

Chris Griffin: Now, look here, you gourd-bellied codpiece! Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand or I shall transform your blue collar into a red one and - who the deuce are you? No, I don't have any spare change. Where the hell would I keep it, in my diaper? Get out of here, you hobo!... Oh, bloody hell, is this thing still on?

Shopkeep: [stares in confusion]