[Peter is seen taking his physical alongside Lois]
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!
Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin: What?
[Doctor pulls out the comics]
Doctor: Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month.
[Looks at Peter]
Doctor: Now, onto you.
Peter Griffin: So, What do you think? I'm pretty healthy, huh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results.
[Opens booklet and screams]
Doctor: [Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: There's a spider in here!
[Turns to them]
Doctor: Now, here we go.
Doctor: Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
[Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: This is your driver's license, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
[Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: ...When you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts!
Lois Griffin: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?
Doctor: Uh, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this...
[Peter and Lois boggle their eyes]
Doctor: ... Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer...
[Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: You are a cancer, right? You were born in July? Now, on to these test results... My, they're much worse than I thought.
[Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: [Shows paper] My son got a D minus on his history test. Now, Griffin, that liver has got to come out.
[Peter and Lois gasp]
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes now; it will get dry!
Lois Griffin: Please... Please, we can't take anymore schtick. Please just tell us: is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh yeah, he's fine. He's just really fat.
