Johnny Drama: Do you know how much food is gonna be at this thing? You eating now would be like jerking off an hour before fucking a supermodel.
Turtle: If I was fucking a supermodel, I would jerk off. That way I can go all night.
Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.
Johnny Drama: One day you're lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next your cruisin' down Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
James Cameron: Fucking actors, they never know when they're miked. It was weird, on "True Lies," it was Tom Arnold that said he was gonna be governor.
Eric Murphy: He disappeared with Sloan.
Johnny Drama: Probably at the tennis courts. I hear that's where you fuck at the Beverly Hilton.
Turtle: It's like getting mad at the bull for giving you the horns, when you shouldn't have been in the ring in the first place.
Eric Murphy: Amazing. Eventually you won't even need actors, right?
James Cameron: In five years we won't.
[Eric's face drops]
James Cameron: Kidding!
Mandy Moore: Oh really? If we're talking about someone who's never been up front, we should be talking about you.
Vincent Chase: Well, I'm going to be up front now. I'm not over you. And I haven't gotten over you. How's that for up front?
[seeing E all dressed up to woo Sloan]
Vincent Chase: Looks like we're headed for another E romance novel. Get your tissues ready, guys.
Turtle: Seriously E, if this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
Johnny Drama: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.
Eric Murphy: Fuck you guys.
Mrs. Ari: Melinda, it's so great to see you.
Melinda Clarke: You too! You look fabulous.
Mrs. Ari: Thank you.
Melinda Clarke: Being a housewife certainly agrees with you.
Mrs. Ari: And playing a raging bitch on TV certainly agrees with you. You're so natural.
Ari Gold: Vince is my client. I took him from nothing, alright? And now he is on the cusp. I ain't sharing him.
Terrance McQuewick: You know, when I started this company in 1971 my mantra was "every client should be represented by every agent in the building." And yes all right, technically, he is your client. But this is my agency.
Ari Gold: And I'm a fucking partner.
Terrance McQuewick: Well, I've had more than a few partners. Not all of them have lasted.