- [first lines]
- The Balladeer: [as waitress Daisy serves drinks in Boar's Nest] Christmas is the biggest event of the year in most parts of the country. But in Hazzard County, it's the Annual Hazzard County Obstacle Derby. It's an illegal stock car race over an obstacle course. It's the dirtiest race in America. There ain't but one rule. Finish any way you can.
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [to bar patrons] Can I have your attention, please? Now I'm gonna announce the drivers of the Hazzard County Obstacle Derby just as soon as they deliver that trophy...
- [motorcycle bursts in through door]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [entering bar, carries trophy] All right, everybody, just settle down. I'm gonna make an announcement. Will you please settle down, Daisy? Daisy, get up there.
- [Daisy perches on the bar counter]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: All right.
- [to patrons:]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Will you hush? Hush! Hush, now. I'm trying to give you the names of the entrants to the Obstacle Derby here. Now, these are the names of the four drivers who've made the most points on a dirt track here in the state this year. Now the winner gets five hundred dollars in cold cash...
- Moss: [as crowd cheers] All right!
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: ...if he lives. He also gets the possession, for one solid year, of this beautiful, genuine, electroplated silver trophy. It's gonna be given by our lovely trophy girl, Miss Daisy Duke.
- Moss: How about possession of the trophy girl for a year?
- Daisy Duke: No, you...
- [kicks out at him]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Daisy, will you quit stomping on him while I'm trying to...
- Enos: [to Boss Hogg] Don't worry about me winning that race for you, Mr. Hogg. I'll bring home your bacon.
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Enos, why don't you go watch Daisy and lust in your heart?
- Enos: All right, Sheriff. But I'm trying to taper off.
- Francis 'Frankie' Lee Olmstead: What's the matter? You don't like lady mechanics?
- Bo Duke: [smiles] No, I just think it ranks right up there with men having babies.