Ray Vecchio: It came over the wire, so as usual I decided to drop my life and bring it on over.
Constable Benton Fraser: I appreciate it, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: You know, this guy must be sixty years old. He doesn't look that dangerous to me.
Constable Benton Fraser: In 1978, Harold Geiger held up a bank in southern Michigan. A guard tried to stop him, he shot the guard and two other employees. The police and the FBI pursued him across five states. Before he crossed into Canada, he'd killed two FBI men, a state trooper and a highway patrol officer. Once he crossed the border, he broke through a massive dragnet, killing a local officer, two provincial police officers, and two members of the RCMP's emergency response team - in short, he killed every cop that got close to him. Except one: Buck Frobisher. Frobisher tracked him up to Whitehorse, caught up with him on a railroad bridge. A struggle ensued. Geiger went over the edge and at the last second Frobisher caught him by the arm. Dangling there 200 feet above the gorge, Geiger reached into his belt, pulled out a hunting knife and jabbed it hilt deep into Frobisher's leg. Still, Sergeant Frobisher managed to pull him up, cuff him, and take him in.
Ray Vecchio: And this guy's coming here to my city?
Constable Benton Fraser: I believe so, yes.
Ray Vecchio: God, I hate tourists!
Constable Benton Fraser: You ran away, but you brought your dress uniform with you?
Buck Frobisher: No, I rented it. If we don't catch him by Tuesday, I have to pay extra.
Ray Vecchio: [Ray, Fraser and Frobisher sneak into Geiger's hideout through the sewer]
Ray Vecchio: I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!
Constable Benton Fraser: Can you hold the lamp a little higher, Ray? If we bump the sides, we'll have to return the canoe scuffed.
Ray Vecchio: Do you have any idea what's in this water?
Constable Benton Fraser: I would suspect a high percentage of ammonia, phosphorus and cyanide.
Ray Vecchio: Wrong, rats. Rats this big, and you know what they're doing? They're laughin' at us! I'm in a canoe with two wounded Mounties and I'm being humiliated by rats!
Buck Frobisher: I think we're getting close.
Buck Frobisher: [standing over James Trager's grave] Trager, James. Born February 13, 1937; died November 2, 1993.
Ray Vecchio: Okay. I'll get the shovel, you handle the interrogation.
Ray Vecchio: Okay. This is gonna take some teamwork, so listen up. Here's how it's gonna be. I go up to the front door, you stay in the car. I go into the bar, you stay in the car. I question the locals on the whereabouts of one Walter Ho, you stay in the car. When I get back here, where do I find you guys?
Constable Benton Fraser: In the car?
Ray Vecchio: Exactly.
[heads up into the bar]
Buck Frobisher: Let's go.
Constable Benton Fraser: Right. Oh, and Dief, when we get back, I expect to find you in the car.
Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser, dressed in his red Mountie uniform, is teaching Social Studies in an elementary classroom] ... which makes the border between Canada and the United States the longest undefended border in the world. So that since their formation, our countries have found a peaceful way to coexist. Except for the War of 1812, where your country invaded ours and we sent you packing - but that's hardly worth mentioning. Now, I think I'll open the floor to questions.
[a boy raises his hand]
Constable Benton Fraser: Yes?
Schoolboy: Do you have to undo all your buttons to go to the toilet?
Constable Benton Fraser: No. Anyone else?
[the boy raises his hand again]
Schoolboy: How many do you have to undo?
Constable Benton Fraser: Just enough to get your trousers undone.
[the boy raises his hand yet another time]
Constable Benton Fraser: Yes.
Schoolboy: Do they have toilets in Canada?
Constable Benton Fraser: Yes. We do. Anyone else?
[the boy raises his hand]
Constable Benton Fraser: Anyone else a'tall?
[the boy is frantically raising his hand as Fraser ignores him]
Constable Benton Fraser: Any other questions a'tall?
Buck Frobisher: [to Fraser] You track a man about as quietly as I pass wind.
Constable Benton Fraser: Slow down a little... stop, right there.
Ray Vecchio: What, you see another bent twig?
Constable Benton Fraser: No, it's a gum wrapper. And there appears to be something inside.
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, of course there is - disease! Somebody had that in their mouth! Now don't be opening that in my car.
Constable Benton Fraser: Geiger gave up smoking in prison using nicotine gum.
Ray Vecchio: Oh, well, that's good. God forbid he should have any bad habits.
[Fraser licks the gum]
Ray Vecchio: Oh, NO! You're tasting things again? Oh, that is the grossest thing I've ever seen!
Constable Benton Fraser: It's nicotine, all right. I see it.
Ray Vecchio: What, more gum?
Constable Benton Fraser: No, a red uniform.
unnamed female cop: [quipping to Elaine at Constable Benton Frasier and Sgt. Buck Frobisher's thank-yous] Now there's a country that knows what to export...