"Curb Your Enthusiasm" The Corpse-Sniffing Dog (TV Episode 2002) Poster

Ian Gomez: Bald Chef



  • Larry David : [Larry is interviewing for the chef's position, and points to the bald chef's pate approvingly]  Yeah. Yeah! Hey, hey, look at you, look at you!

    Bald Chef : Yeah, look at you!

    Larry David : When did you start losing it?

    Bald Chef : Uh, I started losing when I was fifteen.

    Larry David : Fifteen, wow, earlier than me, yeah.

    Bald Chef : Yeah, a little bit earlier. You know, I actually like it.

    Larry David : Ah. Yeah. Me too.

    Bald Chef : Just put a little sunscreen on, it's fine.

    Larry David : Yeah, a lot of sunscreen, right? Can't go outside without the sunscreen. No convertibles.

    Bald Chef : No convertibles!

    Larry David : Oh, God, I hate that!

    Bald Chef : Absolutely. Because you have to wear a hat, if you're going to be in a convertible, and then you look like you're trying to hide something.

    Larry David : Oh, well, that's what they do, these guys with the hats, don't they? They wear it all the time, and they'll meet a girl or something and then they'll show up on a date, what are they gonna do? They gonna take the hat off? They have a terrible decision to make...

    Bald Chef : Right, right, and then the girl's gonna be like, "I didn't know you were bald."

    Larry David : Yeah, yeah. "You misrepresented yourself!"

    Bald Chef : Exactly. "You're a liar!"

    Larry David : Minoxidil?

    Bald Chef : No. You?

    Larry David : No.

    Bald Chef : Every day for the rest of your life you have to...

    Larry David : Oh my God the drops and everything? I ain't gonna do that...

    Bald Chef : ...and then they gotta massage it in.

    Larry David : ...it's crazy, yeah. Ugh.

    Bald Chef : There's something psychologically going wrong with them...

    Larry David : Psychologically wrong with THEM? What about the transplant people?

    Bald Chef : Oh! I hate those people.

    Larry David : Toupee? Hmm?

    Bald Chef : No.

    Larry David : [skeptically]  Huh?

    Bald Chef : Oh, no. Absolutely not!

    Larry David : Those guys, they should kill those guys.

    Bald Chef : Exactly.

    Larry David : I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

    Bald Chef : Yeah?

    Larry David : I mean if I'm going to be a sick megalomaniac, to round up people who I hated, they would be on my list. I would say, "Get, get the toupee people."

    Bald Chef : Absolutely.

    Larry David : I'd have my henchmen going around, tugging at people's hair; if it comes off...

    Bald Chef : [German accent]  "BALDEN! Come with me!" Yeah.

    Larry David : [German accent]  "... ACH! Balden!"

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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