The Critic (TV Series)

Sherman of Arabia (1995)

Maurice LaMarche: Various Characters

Quotes 

• [a captive in Iraq, Jay is being forced to recite propaganda on Iraqi TV] 

  Captain Raheem : You will speak the blasphemous and self-denigrating dialogue that has been written for you!

  Jay Sherman : Like I'm not used to that.

  Captain Raheem : [handing him a paper]  Read this!

  Jay Sherman : There's going to be a really bitching kegger tonight at Captain Raheem's tent!

  Captain Raheem : That's mine. Read this!

  Jay Sherman : Dear Urkel: you are so funny. Can you come to my birthday party? Your friend, Captain Raheem.

  Captain Raheem : Give me that!

  Jay Sherman : Single Arabic captain wishes to meet non-Kurdish woman. I like puppies, Kenny G, and walks on the beach. Whoo-hoo! Kenny G.

  [Captain Raheem grabs Jay by the throat, shouting in Arabic] 

• Eleanor Sherman : What's going to happen to our darling little boy?

  Franklin Sherman : Don't worry, my darling. I have friends in high places who'll take care of everything.

  [Franklin is in the Oval Office and is greeted by President Bush] 

  President Bush : Franklin, great to see you. Been years.

  Franklin Sherman : Mr. President, my son is being held hostage in Iraq, and I need you to save him. Now, I've given money to the Republicans for years and never asked for anything in return.

  President Bush : You asked to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies!

  Franklin Sherman : I didn't ask to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies. The balloon doggies demanded it!