Derek Morgan: [breaking into an encrypted computer] In six tries?
Jason Gideon: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Samuel Buckett.
Derek Morgan: Try not. Do or do not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Gideon looks confused] Yoda.
[referring to Gideon]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Because he knows that people see you as a kid and he wants to make sure that they respect you.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Dr. Reid.
David Woodland: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There are Ph.D.'s, three of them.
David Woodland: What, are you a genius or something?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.
David Woodland: [dog barks at Reid] Sandy! No, no, no, no! I'm so sorry.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: It's okay. It's what we call 'the Reid effect'. Happens with children too.
Penelope Garcia: You've reached Penelope Garcia in the FBI's Office of Supreme Genius.
Derek Morgan: Hey, it's Morgan. Need you to work some magic here. I got a program called Deadbolt Defense and a girl who has only a couple hours to live, so what do you know?
Penelope Garcia: Then you got a problem. Deadbolt's the #1 password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.
Derek Morgan: I thought I was calling the Office of Supreme Genius.
Penelope Garcia: Well, gorgeous, you've been rerouted to the Office of Too Friggin' Bad.
Derek Morgan: Thanks anyway.
Jason Gideon: [voiceover] Joseph Conrad said "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."
Jason Gideon: [putting his hands in the air] Go ahead, shoot me.
Tim Vogel: You think I'm stupid?
Jason Gideon: I think you're an absolute moron.
Jason Gideon: [voiceover] Nietzsche once said, "If you look long enough into an abyss, the abyss looks into you.
Jason Gideon: Emerson said, "All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Special Agent Spencer Reid.
Jason Gideon: Doctor Reid.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Doctor Reid, our expert in just about everything.
Derek Morgan: Reid, are you good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a Unit Chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
[Gideon comes in from behind him]
Jason Gideon: They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's called a "Major Depressive Episode."
Derek Morgan: I know!
Jason Gideon: I know all about you, Tim. You're at the gym five times a week. You drive a flashy car, you stink of cologne, and you can't get it up. Not even Viagra's working for you. You know what that tells me? That tells me you are hopelessly compensating, and it's not just in your head. It is physical. What did the girls call you in high school? What'd they come up with when you fumbled your way into some girl's pants and she started laughing when she got a good look at just how little you had to offer?
Tim Vogel: Shut up!
Jason Gideon: Short Stack? Very Little Vogel? I got it: Tiny Tim.
Derek Morgan: [trying to get into Slessman's head] Okay, so I'm an insomniac who listens to Metallica to get to sleep. What song could possibly speak to me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: "Enter Sandman".
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Is it true what he said about CPR? I mean... I didn't know...
Jason Gideon: Want statistics on CPR? Ask Reid!
Derek Morgan: They want you back in the saddle! You're ready?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Looks like medical leave is over, boss
Jason Gideon: Are you sure they want me?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [Nods yes] The order came from the director
Jason Gideon: Well, we'd better get started!
Derek Morgan: Next time, show a little leg
Elle Greenaway: Morgan! The only time you gonnal see a leg from me is when I'm about to kick your ass!
Jason Gideon: You and Haley picked the baby's name yet?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You know, it's funny. Haley liked the name Charles, but, you know... all I could think of
Jason Gideon: Uh, Manson!
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Then there was Henry...
Jason Gideon: Lee Lucas
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And Jeffrey...
Jason Gideon: Dahmer?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: There's just too many of them!
Jason Gideon: Kind of hard to feel good about catching one of them when you know there're 50 more of them still out there!
Haley Hotchner: How about Andrew, it's Greek for valiant.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Let's call him... Sergio.
Haley Hotchner: Ha ha. Please tell me you're kidding
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Butch.
Haley Hotchner: How about Donald?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Hans.
Haley Hotchner: No! Wait, wait. Um... ok. Gideon.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Not a chance.
Haley Hotchner: It's Hebrew. Look what it means. It's perfect. Gideon Hotchner.
Haley Hotchner: Yes
Haley Hotchner: Yes.
Haley Hotchner: Gideon.