- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Diane. Make a toast.
- Diane Chambers: Oh, all right. 'To the baby. With Marshall as the father, it's sure to have brains. With Carla as the mother, it's sure to have... need for them.'
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: You know the biggest argument I ever had with my wife was over naming our daughter. She kept insisting, insisting on Lisa, and I wanted to stick with the original name.
- Sam Malone: What was that, Coach?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Baby Girl Pantusso.
- [the gang discovers who the father of Carla's baby is]
- Norm Peterson: Marshall?
- Cliff Clavin: Carla made love to a Ph.D. from MIT?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [Annoyed] Hey, look, you guys, if you can't say it in front of me don't say it at all.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Yeah, Norm, how come you and Vera never had any kids?
- Norm Peterson: I can't, Coach.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Gee, I'm sorry Norm.
- Norm Peterson: I look at Vera, and I just can't.
- Diane Chambers: Great. Carla gets a raise for getting pregnant. I wonder what *I* have to do to get a raise out of the boss.