Dawn Summers: [excited] Oh, my God. You will never believe what happened at school today.
Buffy Summers: Everybody started singing and dancing?
Dawn Summers: [pauses, deflating] I gave birth to a pterodactyl.
Anya: Oh, my God. Did it sing?
Buffy Summers: A world of no... So, any idea what's causing this?
Spike: Oh... So that's all. You've just come to pump me for information?
Buffy Summers: What else would I wanna pump you for? I really just said that, didn't I?
Buffy Summers: So, Dawn's in trouble... Must be Tuesday.
Anya: [singing] Except for bunnies.
Sweet: [singing] What a lot of fun / You guys have been real swell / And there's not a one / Who can say this ended well / All those secrets you've been concealin' / Say you're happy now / Once more with feeling / Now I gotta run / See you all / In hell.
Spike: Don't be a stupid git. There is no...
Rupert Giles: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll... I'll never want your opinion.
Buffy: [singing] Hey, I've died twice.
Spike: [singing] Life's not a song / Life isn't bliss / Life is just this / It's living / You'll get along / The pain that you feel / You only can heal / By living / You have to go on living / So one of us is living.
Buffy Summers: [singing] There was no pain / No fear, no doubt / Till they pulled me out / Of heaven / So that's my refrain / I live in Hell / 'Cause I've been expelled / From heaven / I think I was in heaven / So give me something to sing about / Please give me something.
Spike: [singing] The torch I bear is scorching me / Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt / I hope she fries / I'm free if that bitch dies / I'd better help her out!
Xander Harris: [singing] It could be witches / Some evil witches / Which is ridiculous / 'Cause witches they were persecuted / Wicca good and love the earth / And women power and I'll be over here.
Xander Harris: Does this mean that I have to... be your queen?
Sweet: It's tempting... but I think we'll waive that clause just this once.
Dawn Summers: The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
[after Buffy is ordered by Giles to deal with a singing demon on her own]
Spike: Forget them, Slayer. I got your back.
Buffy Summers: Thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang?
Xander Harris: Spike sing a widdle song?
Anya: Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit, or more of a book number?
Xander Harris: Let it go, sweetie.
[Tara sees some guys checking her out]
Tara Maclay: Oh, my God. I'm cured. I want the boys!
Anya: [singing] Bunnies aren't just cute / Like everybody supposes / They got them hoppy legs / And twitchy little noses / And what's with all the carrots / What do they need such good eyesight for anyway / Bunnies / Bunnies / It must be bunnies / Or maybe midgets.
Buffy Summers: Hey.
Spike: You should go back inside... finish the big group sing, get your kumbaya-yas out.
Buffy Summers: I don't want to.
Spike: The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.
Anya: Will you still make me waffles when we're married?
Xander Harris: No, I'll only make them for myself, but, by California law, you will own half of 'em.
Spike: [singing] Let me rest in peace / Let me get some sleep / Let me take my love and bury it / In a hole six-foot deep / I can lay my body down / But I can't find my sweet release / So let me rest in peace.
Buffy Summers: [singing] Every single night the same arrangement / I go out and fight the fight / Still I always feel this strange estrangement / Nothing here is real, nothing here is right / I've been making shows of trading blows / Just hoping no one knows / That I've been going through the motions / Walking through the part / Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.
Buffy: [singing] These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.
Dawn Summers: [signing] Where do we go from here?
Rupert Giles: [singing] The battle's done / And we kind of won
Rupert Giles: [singing] Tell me!
Spike: [scoffs] Bugger this.
Giles: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.
Buffy Summers: I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an eighties movie.
Rupert Giles: Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away.
Xander Harris: As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts.
Anya: I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would've been looking for a gas can.
Rupert Giles: Well, clearly, emotions are running high. But, uh, as far as I can tell, these people burnt up from the inside. They spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias.
Tara Maclay: [singing to Willow] The moon to the tide / I can feel you inside / I'm under your spell / Surging like the sea / Pulled to you so helplessly / I break with every swell / Lost in ecstasy / Spread beneath my willow tree / You make me complete / You make me complete / You make me complete / You make me...
Buffy Summers: Uh, so, did anybody... uh... last night, you know, did anybody, um... burst into song?
[everyone is quiet for a second]
Xander Harris: Merciful Zeus!
Willow Rosenberg: We thought it was just us!
Rupert Giles: [singing] Will this do a thing to change her / Am I leaving Dawn in danger / Is my slayer too far gone to care?
Xander Harris: [singing] What if Buffy can't defeat it?
Anya: [singing] Beady Eyes is right, we're needed! / Or we could just sit around and glare.
Spike: Come to serenade me?
Buffy Summers: So you know what's going on.
Spike: Well, I've seen some damn funny things the last two days. A 600-pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac. *That* one will stay with you.
Buffy Summers: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish-yet-affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies.
Tara Maclay: And there was this entire verse about the couscous.
[after the group finishes singing "I've got a Theory"]
Xander Harris: See? Okay, that was disturbing.
Buffy Summers: You got a name?
Sweet: I've got a hundred.
Buffy Summers: Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're gonna be my brother-in-law.
Dawn Summers: [singing] What I mean / I'm fifteen / So this queen thing's illegal.
Xander Harris: [singing] Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?
Anya: [singing] When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?
Dawn Summers: Ah, math. It seemed cooler when we were singing about it.
Xander Harris: [singing] You're the cutest of the Scoobies / With your lips as red as rubies / And your firm yet supple- / Tight embrace.
Sweet: [singing] I can bring whole cities to ruin / And still have time to get a soft-shoe in.
Xander Harris: [singing] I've got a theory / We should work this out.
Anya: Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but I've seen some of these underworld child-bride deals. And-And they never end well. Well, maybe once.
Xander Harris, Spike, Buffy Summers, Anya, Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay, Rupert Giles: [singing] And we are caught in the fire / The point of no return / So we will walk through the fire / And let it Burn / Let it burn / Let it burn / Let it burn.
Buffy Summers: [singing] Will I stay this way forever / Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?
Handsome Young Man: [singing] How can I repay you...
Buffy Summers: [singing] Whatever.
Parking Ticket Woman: [singing] I've been having a bad bad day / Come on, won't you put that pad away / I'm asking you please no / It isn't right, it isn't fair / There was no parking anywhere / I think that hydrant wasn't there / Why can't you let it go / I think I've paid more than my share / I'm just a poor girl, don't you care / Hey, I'm not wearing underwear.
Rupert Giles: What did you sing about?
Rupert Giles: [pauses] I don't remember. But it-it seemed perfectly normal.
Buffy Summers: But disturbing, and not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again?
Xander Harris: I don't know. We should look into it.
Willow Rosenberg: With the books.
Tara Maclay: Do we have any books on this?
Buffy Summers: Well, we just gotta break it down, look at the factors before it happens again, 'Cause I for one...
Xander Harris: [singing] I've got a theory / That it's a demon / A dancing demon / No, something isn't right there.
[about her duet with Xander, "I'll Never Tell"]
Anya: Of course! Clearly our number is a retro-pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit.
Tara Maclay: Tha-That's right! The-The volume. The text.
Rupert Giles: What text?
Willow Rosenberg: The volumey text. You know...? The-The
Willow Rosenberg: report.
Xander Harris: The what now?
Tara Maclay: Oh, the-there's just a few volumes back at the house that deal with mystical chants, bacchanals. Might be relevant.
Willow Rosenberg: Yeah, we could, um...
Rupert Giles: Well, I'm a hairsbreadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything.
Willow Rosenberg: Great. We'll, uh, go check it out and um, we'll give you a call.
Tara Maclay: Yeah. This could blow the whole thing wide open.