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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Living Conditions (TV Episode 1999) Poster

Quotes

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Buffy: So then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah? Share this."

[she punches the air a few times]

Oz: So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.

Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserved it, don't you think?

Oz: Nobody deserves mime, Buffy.

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Buffy: And the worst part: I wake up and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.

Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat.

Willow: Me too. I would vote for that, too.

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Buffy: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.

Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.

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[about her roommate]

Buffy: Ugh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer.

[kicks and breaks the bench]

Buffy: She's... other really bad things.

Oz: On the plus side, you killed the bench which was lookin' shifty.

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Buffy: Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams! She is the most ever mooch - Oh! I haven't even gotten to the floss.

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Tapparich: [subtitled Demon dialogue translation] There you are. Do you gave any idea how much trouble you're in young lady?

Kathy: I'm not going back!

Tapparich: Don't take that tone with me.

Kathy: I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?

Tapparich: Enough! You're coming home!

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Willow: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, not-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?

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Buffy: [after ripping Kathy's human mask off] I knew it!

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[Buffy thinks her new college roommate is a demon]

Willow: Toenails?

Buffy: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.

Willow: Good thinking. 'Cause in the middle of the night, those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.

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Kathy: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me.

[cuts to Giles at home]

Giles: But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to their lack of a soul.

[cuts back to Kathy and Buffy]

Kathy: So I'm borrowing yours.

Buffy: Without even asking.

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Giles: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.

Buffy: [screaming] Lite FM! Love songs! Nothing but love songs!

Xander: You think?

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[about Giles]

Willow: He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way.

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Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil-fighter. It's simple. I'm gonna have to kill her.

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[about Kathy]

Buffy: She irons her jeans. She's evil.

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Kathy: Hmm. Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Buffy: And guess what? You were next to it!

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Kathy: [sweetly] It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figure we're almost like sisters now - living together and everything.

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Buffy: Did you just hear something?

Willow: I'm chewing my gum kind of loud.

Buffy: That's not it.

Willow: My sneakers are squeaky.

Buffy: I'm looking for something lurky here, Wil.

Willow: Oh.

[Long pause]

Willow: Sorry, no.

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[the milk is missing]

Kathy: I just wanted to make sure that we didn't have a thief or something.

Buffy: Like who? Sid the Wily Dairy Gnome?

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Buffy: After all that we've been through together, and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad.

Xander: We want to, Buff. It's just...

Oz: Shh. Don't engage.

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Willow: Happy hunting.

Buffy: Wish me monsters.

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Kathy: Eww! Who left their gum here?

Buffy: Gum-gnome?

Kathy: It wasn't me. It had to be somebody, Buffy!

Buffy: And the worst part: I wake up and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.

Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat.

Willow: Me too. I would vote for that, too.

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Kathy: You're problem is, you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share-time now!

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Buffy: [looking at Mariah CD] Wow. This music is so... She's... wearing a really little skirt.

Kathy: I know - this song is super fun, isn't it?

Buffy: [a little tightly] You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it.

Kathy: Going out?

Buffy: Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figured I'd go study at the Grotto and get a jolt.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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