[Blackadder shows Baldrick a potato]
Blackadder: I mean, look at this. What is it?
Baldrick: I'm surprised you've forgotten, my lord.
Blackadder: I haven't forgotten; it's a rhetorical question.
Baldrick: No, it's a potato.
Queen Elizabeth: [knock at door] Who is it?
Lord Melchett: It is I, your majesty.
Queen Elizabeth: Stop! Close your eyes. Now enter.
[Blackadder and Melchett enter. Melchett has his hand over his eyes]
Queen Elizabeth: [doing a very bad imitation of a sailor] Ahoy there me shivering matey, heave-ho.
Queen Elizabeth: Right, now open your eyes.
Lord Melchett: [uncovers eyes] Thank you ma'am. And um...
[looks around room]
Queen Elizabeth: [practically squealing with delight] What's the matter Melchie?
Lord Melchett: [very obviously humouring her] Well I beg your pardon your majesty, but I was hoping to greet the gallant young sailor who hallooed me as I came in. Perchance he has hauled anchor and sailed away.
Queen Elizabeth: [mischievously] No. It was me!
Lord Melchett: Majesty! Surely not.
Blackadder: You utter creep.
Lord Melchett: Ah Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see.
Blackadder: Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation.
Queen Elizabeth: It's him. Oh, God. Do I look absolutely divine and regal, and yet and at the same time very pretty and rather accessible?
Blackadder: It is said, Percy, that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that by learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Lord Percy: [delighted] Yes, I'd heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.
Blackadder: I was under the impression that it's common maritime practice for a ship to have a crew?
Captain Rum: Opinion is divided on the subject.
Lord Percy: Now, Edmund. If you're not careful, all the children will dance around your window singing Sourpuss and Grumpyface and you don't want that, now do you?
Blackadder: I have better things to do than listen to Sir Rather-A-Wally Raleigh.
Queen Elizabeth: Oh, and Edmund was right. You do smell like fish. PHOOHEY!
Balladeer: Blackadder! Blackadder! He heard the new world call. / Blackadder! Blackadder! Discovered bugger all!
Blackadder: By the day after tomorrow, we shall be in Calais! Captain, set sail for France!
Captain Rum: Aye Aye, sir!
[the day after the day after tomorrow]
Blackadder: So you don't know the way to France either?
Captain Rum: No, I must confess that too
[Blackadder nods. Takes in this important information]