Blackadder II (TV Series)

Chains (1986)

Stephen Fry: Lord Melchett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Prince Ludwig : But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to, let us say, gain access to your Queen, I might just be able to commute your deaths to a life sentence.

  Blackadder : Are you suggesting we betray her?

  Prince Ludwig : Oh yes.

  Blackadder : All right.

  Lord Melchett : Blackadder, what are you saying? What of loyalty, honor, self-respect?

  Blackadder : What of them?

  Lord Melchett : Nothing.

• Prince Ludwig : Do you remember when you were in Cornwall, at the monastery, there was an old shepherd wizh whom you used to talk?

  Lord Melchett : Good Lord! Timkins?

  Prince Ludwig : Yes! I was one of his sheep!

  Lord Melchett : His sheep? Not...

  Prince Ludwig : Yes!

  Lord Melchett : Flossy?

  Prince Ludwig : Yes!

  Lord Melchett : But didn't we...

  Prince Ludwig : Yes, Lord Melchett! Baaaaaa!

• Lord Melchett : [Blackadder and Melchett are chained in Prince Ludwig's dungeon]  Alas! shall I never see England more? Her rolling fields, her swooping swallows...

  Blackadder : ...And her playful sheep.

• [Melchett and Blackadder are prisoners of Prince Ludwig] 

  Lord Melchett : What say you, Blackadder, I sing a song to keep our spirits up.

  Blackadder : That all depends whether you want the slop bucket over your head or not.

  Lord Melchett : Well, perhaps some pleasant word game.

  Blackadder : Yes, all right. Make a sentence out of the following words: Face, sodding, your, shut.

• Lord Melchett : This is no time for jokes Blackadder, we've been kidnapped!

  Blackadder : [remembering that he said 'only real idiots get kidnapped']  Ooooh God! How incredibly embarrassing!

• Lord Melchett : As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport.

• Blackadder : Well, as you know, Madam, I have had experience of this dreadful situation. Only last year my aunt came to me to beg for help in the ransom of my Uncle Osric.

  Lord Melchett : Well, then you know something of the dreadful pain involved.

  Blackadder : Indeed I do. And can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her.

  Queen Elizabeth I : Which was?

  Blackadder : "Get stuffed."

• Blackadder : Awh, God, God, God. What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it. Where am I?

  Lord Melchett : [groans]  Ooohhhh...

  Blackadder : Who's that?

  Lord Melchett : It is I, Melchett.

  Blackadder : Melchett! You really ought to get this house of yours cleaned up, you know. It's a real mess!

  Lord Melchett : This is no time for jokes, Blackadder! We've been kidnapped!