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"Black Books" Travel Writer (TV Episode 2004) Poster

(TV Series)

(2004)

Quotes

Manny: Bernard, I was wondering if you might have a word with Fran. Tell her that I'm looking after Jason and he doesn't appreciate her trying to flirt with him.

Bernard: Ssssh!

[meowing is heard]

Bernard: You hear that? He's up there... mewing in the nerve centre of his evil empire. A ground rent increase here, a tax dodge there? he sticks his leg in the air, laughs his cat laugh... and dives back down to grooming his balls!

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Bernard: Hanley! Hanley, come out you blood sucker!

[the door opens]

Solicitor: Miss Hanley is dead.

Bernard: Eh?

Solicitor: She died in the night.

Bernard: I don't care... I mean, how awful.

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Roland: So, let me guess: Mice. No, wait... you've got cockroaches.

Bernard: Yeah, we do, actually, but don't touch them, will you? It would upset the bat.

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Roland: No I cant do it, I cant kill an innocent cat.

Bernard: Why not it will be easy bada bing bada meow.

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Solicitor: Miss Hanley left this falt to a Mr. Benson, he's in the kitchen. What was it you wanted to query... Mr...?

Bernard: Black. I'll talk directly with him, I don't want any legal fidgiewidgieness upsetting natural justice.

[he enters the kitchen]

Bernard: Benson! Benson! Where is he? Benson?

Solicitor: Mr. Benson is in the bread bin.

Bernard: I said no legal fidgiewidgieness! I want to see the owner, I want to sort this out and I want...

Solicitor: [opens the bread bin, revealing Mr. Benson, a cat] He likes to sleep there. What was it you wanted to say to him?

Bernard: [unrolls a bill] I'm not paying this!

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Manny: Bernard, I wondered if you might have a word with Fran. Explain to her that I'm looking after Jason and he doesn't appreciate her trying to flirt with him.

Bernard: Ssssh!

[meowing is heard]

Bernard: You hear that? He's up there... mewing in the - in the nerve centre of his empire. A hike in rent here, a tax dodge there, he sticks his leg in the air, laughs his cat laugh... and then he dives back to grooming his balls!

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Roland: WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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