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"Black Books" Manny's First Day (TV Episode 2000) Poster

(TV Series)

(2000)

Quotes

Showing all 15 items

Manny: This place could look all right, you know, with a few lamps.

Bernard: Why didn't you just say you were gay?

Manny: I'm not.

Bernard: But you're interested in lamps.

Manny: Yeah, but I'm interested in women... and lamps. I thought you were actually. Gay, I mean

Bernard: So did I, for a short while, but then I learnt of the prohibitive standards of hygiene, and all that *dancing*

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Bernard: You there - Lord of the Rings, Let's talk about how this whole, er, one-day-trial thing is going. At the moment you're fired.

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Fran: So Manny, tell us about yourself.

Manny: Well, I was born in London...

Bernard: Not so fast, David Copperfield. If you're going to go that far back we're going to need popcorn or something.

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Bernard: I'm going out. I'm taking some clothes to Oxfam.

Manny: Alright.

Bernard: I usually lock up.

Manny: But now I'm here it's different.

Bernard: Yes. It's different.

[starts to lock the door]

Manny: Why are you locking the door?

Bernard: I always lock the door.

Manny: But now that I'm here it's different.

Bernard: Yes. It's different. I've never locked anybody in before.

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Manny: Well, what can I tell you, I moved around a lot, saw a lot of army bases.

Fran: Oh, was your dad in the army?

Manny: No, just a coincidence.

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Fran Katzenjammer: [storms in, furious]

Bernard: What did I do?

Fran Katzenjammer: [throws a book at him]

Bernard: What did I do?

Fran Katzenjammer: Did you tell Manny he was fired?

Bernard: You nearly hurt me in the shoulder then.

Fran Katzenjammer: Did you?

Bernard: Yes, well, maybe a little bit.

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Manny: [entertaining customers in Bernard's absence] Who will buy my books today / All the authors on display / Some of Dickens and some of Shaw's / Peter Bletchley... he wrote Jaws. / Oh who will buy my books today / "Who's in the books?" I hear you say, /Leopold Bloom and Josef K, And Bridget Jones. / Who will buy my books today? / "Why read books?" I hear you say. / It's educational and it's fun, / and you get sucked into a whole different world. / Who will buy my books today? / Maybe something a tad outré / Something by obscure women / or something that's not necessarily plot-driven. / Oh who will buy my books today? / Now I'll send you on your way / Before you go, there's just one thing, / We're completely sold out of Lord of the Rings.

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Bernard: Where are all the books?

Manny: Pardon?

Bernard: Where are all the books?

Manny: Oh. They've all been sold.

Bernard: Oh Jesus! That means I have to ring the ordering place and you have no idea how incredibly boring and complicated that is.

[calls the ordering place]

Bernard: Hello? Is this the place you order books from if you want to sell them from your bookshop? I don't know. I don't know. Can you just send me some books? Argh.

Manny: [takes phone] Hello, who am I speaking to? Katy, Hi! Uh, we'll have the full Austen, complete Trollope - not you! Penguin paperback editions. Tolstoy? Yeah. Fling a few in. Alright, alright. Bye bye.

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Bernard: You sold a lot of books. You got on well with all the customers. I have to fire you.

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Manny: [Reading the rules Beranrd has written] "No mobiles, no wigwams."

Bernard: Walkmans!

Manny: "No snoit... No snoity car..." This is indecipherable!

Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles, no Walkmans..."

[pauses, unsure]

Bernard: None of that! Or any of the others!

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Bernard: Who are you?

First Customer: I'm a customer.

Bernard: Oh, right.

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Fran Katzenjammer: You need someone normal around here.

Bernard: Normal! He's normal is he, is he?

Fran Katzenjammer: [chuckles]

Bernard: What am I then?

Fran Katzenjammer: Well you're a freak, Bernard, you know that.

Bernard: [pauses then blurts] Yes. I know. But I have rights!

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Eddie: WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? I'M BROWSING! MAYBE I'LL BUY THIS BOOK, MAYBE I WON'T, BUT YOU CANNOT INFLUENCE ME ONE IOTA, NOT ONE JOT! NOW THAT I'M DONE WITH YOU, GO AWAY!

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Manny: But I got on well with all the customers, I sold a lot of books!

Bernard: It's not that kind of operation.

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Fran Katzenjammer: You need someone normal around here.

Bernard: Normal? He's normal is he? And what am I then?

Fran Katzenjammer: You're a freak, Bernard, you know that.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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